kimchi is micky

run away?

2009-04-14T04:54:00.000-07:00

its official. im taking a loong trip to somewhere, seriously.

sometime when you dig into your own grave, the next thing that pop up was

RUN AWAY

but taking count as i am still a girl and 19 teen still not arrive at my door, so i plan on a loongest trip i could ever imagine.

let just say, life boring me as death and to which i want to ignore few important things in life. and i didnt mention any thing with TWO LEG, TWO HAND, BODY AND FACE okei?

i wanna so badly to scream my lungs out and go to a place where i can start over, as easy as it sound... i really dont know where to start and move on just feel like a great disaster- the same situation like my room kena langgar lorry.

anyway, i dont know how many of my friends still keep a track of me, but feel free to contact my handphone oke?

i might reply late but nevertheless i will try my hard to reply. haha
i meant, hey you cant blame me, cuz i always lost my hp. jeeez.hahaha

signing off.
ahaha

and btw, sab, and jan. i miss both of u so much.

and i miss kak syA.hahaha. i miss talking with u. i mean, chatting.XD

clumsy h;ain

2009-04-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

if i can go beyond my thinking to the past ..travel through time
and walk pass by every memory in life,

i wanted to go back to my past. to the time where i wish i can make changes

and i wish i could have said every little things that i wanted to say;

and to my past self.

farah ain,
the name ...its only the name? was it?
the undying self that try so hard to make living and only to satisfy
every eye that watching so closely.

is that a life?

i knew from the moment i had my eye open and my mouth close,
my thinking were beyond any child at my age.

i knew, i was special.

if today is my past, i wanted to start back a new life.
my form one, i will do much better than staring out of space and
wishing why i dont belong to that group?

i would join every sport that i always wanted...and despite my leg injured
i still will be proudly running...win a medal or two.

i will make you proud.

instead, i make you sad....and sorry just wont come from this cruel heart mouth.

i will study hard, and master every subject. so when you come to my school
you will go back happily.

but, i make you cry. again and again.

i will go to school everyday, not worrying how people will accept me the way i am.

i never like who i really am.
i hate every fact that made me who i am.
i hate my life so badly that i wish everyday was my death ceremonal.
i was ill-fated. wanting so much to be in that certain group.

;why cant you look at me just the way you look at her?;

why am i so different from anyone else? im just same as you,
i have black hair...a heart..and a feeling attached to it.

we are in the same world, step in the same place and look at the same thing..

;why didnt you see me? i was right there...for you;

i will change this if i can...i will be proud to be who i am...
i will smile often and no one will see this face change to gloomy..every single day.

but why didnt i notice? the same group of people who destroy all the hopes rises in me.

when i enter my form 2.
i wish i can be a better person for you, but i was too fulled with myself.

i was indeed selfish...

but wishing is just a wishing. nothing change nothing going to replace it.

i will stand proud to be with you, to stand beside you. and to go through this
together with you.

But all i did was hurt you more, with my attitude i know you wish..i never was here.

i never was the best person right?

form 4 and 5, eventhough i stand aside and watch you silently..

little to i know, i wish...i can change it. but i did nothing to it.
i can only stare and let the time passby.
and how i will forget the fact i wasnt really a bright student.
i wasted my time on something i know it wont last. never.
form 5, if i can do better,i wanted to emerge myself into thousand of books
and just so you know, i will make you proud...

why i keep on breaking every promises?

and maybe if i can change any of it....i wont end up ...being a walking zombie.

and maybe if i wasnt that desperate to be in the same world as you, i wont end up
begging you not to go.

i just wanted to be in that world, the same world.
why you keep on leaving me speechless this way?

i put the fullstop here, i let my body stop and my mind rewind every thing.

to you, who i became so vulnerable.
to you, who i wanted so badly to undo every mistake.
to you, and only you...i wont be able to move on knowing

neither you nor me who was at fault. but it was the faith that bond me,

i should know better that i never belong to that group. and you, was another character from
my life drama.

ps: i wont be online for maybe long time from now, so for that i already post few entry. okei friends, dont miss me too much.hahaa

dsfjfreiotgurgutrigythdyudtyr sorry, thats me bein the dramatic person.XD

confession of a friend.

2009-04-14T02:55:00.000-07:00

i listen to this great song.
;o maybe im the only dorky who tot so.;

but anyway. the song is linked here,

the following lyric was taken from this blogspot
http://makikawaii-jklyrics.blogspot.com/2009/04/2am-time-for-confession-single-lyrics.html

thank u makikawaii ^__^

001. A Friend's Confession

It's been a while
since my heart has been changing,
since I've been dealing with it lonesome..
every time you came back,
I hated the guy that made you cry

I'd rather protect you,
although I don't know if it will make it better...

This time I'll hold you and love you
is what I thought

Baby, come to me now
And be my lady
I've watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart.

As a friend, to remain as friends,
I had to push the confessions down my throat
But now I'll confess to you,
I love you...

You hold my hand and tell me you only have me
Keeping me as a friend,
you say it's a blessing
Whenever you say let's never change,
I had to push my feelings down

It might be best if I protect you,
not knowing if it will be better

I kept hearing it but I kept cool
I was too scared to lose you, but...

Baby (Baby) Come to me now (Come to me)
And be my lady (lady)
I've watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart (No)

As a friend (Your friend), to remain as friends (I know),
I had to push the confessions down my throat (The overflowing words)

That confession (confession) I had to hold it in (I couldn't say it)
But now I'll confess to you,
I love you...

-this song rather beautiful.

btw, im into soo many project nowadays. from theraphy to a peace camp.

ain dah mula buat amal ea.hahaha

i'm goin for another hiATUS.haha

2009-04-14T02:48:00.000-07:00

saya budak lepasan spm 2007.

apa yang ada kat saya cuma saat2 kat sekolah je dulu.

bahagia?

;ain sungguh bangga dengan diri sendiri time tuh;

tapi, sape tuh ain?

name tuh da xde meaning dalam hidup saya.

ain. ain. ain.

cuma sorang budak. cop. remaja? yang tercari2 makna hidup and akhir nya
jatuh cam tuh je.

jatuh disini bukan bermaksud

;pada pagi yang indah ain jalan2 kat taman Kampung baru air panas, tiba2 kaki ain tersepah batu dan jatuh lalu ain pun sumpah seranah menyalahkan batu itu.

cis, batu tuh xbersalah pun. yang xde mata itu ain bukan batu.;

tetapi bermaksud

;ain tersungkur dikala mencari makna hidup, ingat kan dunia itu indah..tapi
tipu muslihat...dusta munafik merata2. ain pun jatuh dengan teruk sehingga
dah xde makna nak hidup da pun.;

:oke. saya saje nak nampak bajet cool ngan gune ayat gempak.XD;

ain. ntah nape name ain nih da jadi sangat janggal untuk disebut. and ada ketika saya harap saya boleh tukar je name saya.
given option,

syukur mama saya bagi nama punya panjang, at least boleh main tukar2 nama kan.

thankies ma.

tapi, saya sumpah nak muntah kalau la ada orang panggel saya fara

kwn2...jom practice ea..

oke

1
2
3
say Fara ea..

UWEEKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;penampar hikmah pun hinggap di pipi;

tapi TETAPI

;anda dibenarkan panggel saya FARA atas DASAR PROFESSIONAL AND KERJA SAHAJA kthxbye;

ain?

saya benci nama nih sekarang.

seolah2 name nih da xwujud bagi saya.

but bagi saya, ain memang dah lama mati.

pada 24 disember 2008. perempuan bernama ain dah pun mati.

;ada rasa nak bagi penampar x kat saya? suka2 saya je nak merendah2kan perkataan mati nih;

who say im not afraid of death?

i am, i was and always will.

saya xpun merendah2kan mati, infact either way people will die. its just bout the timing kan?
may it be fast or may it be late.

5 second from now, god knows when my life akan kena tarik?

;tibe2 hati kecik ain pun berbicara, cisss, xcukup amal nihhh.!!!;

nih je kot sebab utama xleh mati dulu, cuz amal xcukup.

saya pun takot ngan statement kat atas. amal saya sentiasa xcukup.

bein a human, mistake and more mistake become part of life right, and bein a women and a girl to be exact. my desire is almost on everything.
from there, my mistake piled up.

the fact was, HUMAN LIVE TO FULFIL THEIR FCUKING DESIRE. TO PLEASE THEIR INNER PLEASURE.
satisfaction is everywhere in them. and they say next to NO satisfaction.

but i am sure im not alone on this.

to those who used to know me with that name, NOTED. ain already death.

her death body can be found at the opposite side of klcc convention centre and infront of the park at klcc.period. time body discovered was at 9.01pm on the date 24th of disember 2008.

;dont ask why. i used to love that place for ages. until memories kept me away from it.;

death ceremony held in her resident at wangsa maju area section 1 konar konar at sri rampai masuk sri utama international school and terus masuk kanan and kanan.

may ain R.I.P

amin.M

handphone?

2009-03-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

i hate HANDPHONE.

kegunaan enset sekarang mmg melampau, cam peristiwa kwn sy mencari sy bile
kredit dy da nak abis tempoh atau bila kredit dy dalam tahap kritikal.

sy memang kurang senang ngan orang camnih.

sekarang kan, byk lah bebudak yang suka gila main msg.
cube korang bayangkan, time dalam bilik kuliah pun tgn tuh sibuk
menaip2 msg and tup tup tup send.

sumpah seranah saya ngan orang camnih, walau hakikat nya
ain pun tergolong dalam orang camtuh.

kenapa handphone atau nama asal dy yang iaitu tangan telefon.
kenapa bukan kaki telefon ke? hidung telefon ke? mat telefon ke?
kan lebey tepat kalau benda alah ini di panggel telinga telefon
kerana, kite gune telinga untuk mendengar kan? atau mulut telefon,
ekoran kite bercakap gunakan mulut and bukan tangan

tapi ironik nya, memang kite type gune tangan oleh itu
tangan telefon pun wujud lah, skrg nih mana gempak da kalau
de enset tp MSG x masyuk OR calling tuh hanya utk BOIfren AND awek dy.

adeii.

korang sedar x, diorang xpun kecoh2 time dorang wat enset dolu2 ckp yang enset tuh utk main msg kan?

saya memang suka la kalau budak yang ade enset tuh kan mesti siap ngan
kamera xmau kalah nya, kena guna yang 2mp dan ke atas
kalau x?

xterserlah ke COOL an mu atau tak kan nya de orang nak pandang

cuz later anda akan dengar ayat2 ini seperti di bisik2kan ke telinga anda..

;eh'eleh beb, pakai enset kamera cikai siot. blah rr.;

camtuh la.

tangan telefon pun mmg popular untuk kegunaan ketara untuk

jeng jeng jeng

CALLER RINGTONE

weyh itu kan benda COOL sekarang, even makcik jual nasi lemak tepi jalan tuh pun,
cube korang call dy MESTI lagu xmau kalah beb, kena lagu hit nombor satu carta hot fm.

kalau x, mane gempak kan?

compare to bebudak zaman sekarang kan, dolu2 tuh sy xpakai pun enset.

pujuk rayu saya x dilayan pun untuk beli enset.

pastuh, de gak bebudak yang memang da mula pakai enset canggih, dolu tuh kan
kalau da pakai yang ber camera tuh. AWAK MEMANG VOGUE gile r.

da xpandang muka, orang pandang enset je. tggu je la enset kena rembat t ea.

form tiga, memang xde la nak de enset2 nih, walaupun ramai da de,
even adik saudara sy yang darjah satu tuh pun da de, tgk la
kesian tol kan sy nih?

ain ain..

pastuh,form 4 mama belikan enset kaler oren 3315. pakai num DIGI.
huhu
pakailah digi ye..
hahahahhaa.

sumpah, saya benci num DIGI, bukan pe, xpham tol la ngan digi tuh je.
xde niat pun nak kutuk2 ke ape.

time form 3-4, memang minat gile kaler oren. haha.
hanya sebab ade sorang membe syg, minat kaler tuh.
pastuh sy yang memang xbape nak active nih PUN trus cube active2 kan diri
hanya sebab budak tuh wakil netball, wakil hoki and sebagai nya.

gile suke.

tapi, nih da lari topik.okie shut up.

tp alkisah nya satu hari nih, balek la sy penat2 dari skola tuh,
tetibe kan sy usya kiri kanan, enset sy da xde.
rupa2 nya....

handhphone first love da kena jual.

cuz mama yang jual.soo..tawakal je la.

ko tetap di hati,my first love enset. kaler oren ke banggaan ku.

mid form 5, aku di kurniakan dengan enset LG kaler itam silver yang siap ngan kamera ngan mp3 player.

enset xde la gempak pun, time tuh saya xminat pun nak men calling ke msg ke,
tolong la jgn send pape, xde nya saya nak pandang enset tuh.

enset tuh setia ngan saya, sampai abis form 5.
flashback kenangan with my lg phone.

time spm tuh ..bawa enset g skola...enset tuh yang teman saya study smpai lewat mlm

okie nih tipu je, enset tuh la yang teman saya wat dajal.
mak suh blaja saya lak sibuk msg kwn saya.

soklan antara hidup mati tuh..

"awk de g konsert tuh ke?"

replied.

"sy kat tempat kejadian, best la..t sy tangkap pic byk2 tjk kat awk."

:time nih,mmg nak thankies die gile2, tp frust abis. cuz

SAPE CAKAP BIOLOGY TUH PENTING HA???!!!
saya lebey rela g konsert malam tuh dari duk umah frust and nangeh 7 hari 7 malam.

pastuh kena paksa baca buku biology,

confession ea.

Saya hanya PANDANG COVER buku kaler ijau tuh ea. sy xnak pun jadi doktor la mama. tengok darah pun sy da rasa pening, nih kan study biology.
tolong r paham.

see, MAMA. MANA ADA AIN BLAJA BIO??!!

ain baca fanfic rated nc17 citer gempak scene mmg ...fulamak.

ehem,okie sambung topik asal....

enset saya, hampir 2 taun saya pakai...

cinta ke-2. name manje enset tuh..

"twigle twigle honey"
hehehehe.

gile ape pompuan nih enset pun de name manja ke?

eh'eleh. bis tuh, name boipren and galpren boleh lak korang panggel

munky la, dunky la.

atau B la. C la D la.

ke name best cam, lolipop and maggie mee ke?

tooth and brush ke?
[ gile seyes, sy xgune name ini cuz tingat someone ke ape.betul.xtipu]

and then. da nak bis taun 2008, akher nya saya maju untuk tukar enset sony ericsson
yang dibeli menggunakan duet gaji saya..

sebenar nya xde niat nak beli enset tuh, idam enset lain.

tapi, camne pun ain not someone who into hp or sms-ing or calling-ain ikut cakap mama. betull.

;okei, semua benda yang di buat statement kat atas adalah PENIPUAN semata2, bajet nak jadi baek nak mampus;

ishh. memang lari topik gile kan?.

yang penting, enset tuh da jadi sebati ngan diri beb, cube bayangkan bile bangun pada satu pagi yang indah.
tibe2 enset hilang..

;okie, g terjun lombong sekarang. frust kan??;

emm. tuh la, da biasa sgt ngan enset tuh,teman makan, teman tido, yang bangunkan kite every morning pun enset tuh gak kan?.
and time frust, enset tuh gak yang ade, utk lap hingus,,calling kwn syg, ..pastuh..yang kite ckp leret smpai ke pagi tuh pun ngan enset tuh gak.

so,....em. xde conclusion pun, enset gile best beb,. AKU syg padamu cinta ke3 ku.hahahaha
enset purple ku syg, ko tetap pilihan.

chehh. pdhal di buat nya enset tuh teruk2. pagi2 alarm bunyi je, trus bang . baling jauh2. siksa enset tuh...ciaann.

ps: penah gak in between pakai enset samsung ngan nokia express music tapi xtahan lama, kalo bukan ilang mesti enset tuh da g travel jauh2 dr saya.\

dear kwn2.haha. saya xhilang la. BUSY je.hahaha. im back^__^

se tapak.?

2009-03-06T19:55:00.000-08:00

saya dah pulih.ahax, i goin to be okey.

mood* tengah berusaha untuk menjadi normal.

im walkin away,

2009-03-06T19:29:00.000-08:00

never had any intention to be angst last night, but i am really exhausted with whatever happening to me.

it have nothing to do with me, yes ain. got nothing. so continue being the V.I.P you always were. still in counting.

find opportunity and just get out from all of this. you can do this, you done this before, right?

how funny this was, my bff seriously take a same stepping stone with me.

i cant hate her, and i wont hide from her.

but it makes me wonder why, why and why.

why we lead a same life, that totally interconnected with each other.

there is something i don't have courage to tell her, but i dont think i will be telling her in any time sooner.

i dont give any shit on anything, leading my life is the best thing i can do.

a plan prepared and then walking and walking. but i do afraid of something.

my hopes. i have a greater weakness toward my own self conscious and my own self.
my often mood swings and oh-so-grumpy should kill me alive,no?

being only a human, stuck in my own self and dwelling on my past doesnt make enough sense to me now. i really dont have any idea on whatever happening.

sorry that i blame you, its all my fault. i should know everything better and stick to my self. angst end here.

yesterday we had a talk late night, and i really dedicated that song to you, try to understand the lyric.

bila rasa ku ini.....

2009-03-06T07:40:00.000-08:00

maybe sometime, its better to ignore everything and pretend you are fine,

because

sesungguh nya, saya terlalu lemah untuk menerima tamparan hebat

may it from my own best friend or even the past people in my life.

yes, hati ini dah terlalu hancur.

"mengertilah, betapa hancurnya hati ini. cuba rasa apa yang saya rasa."

should i cry now?

running away from everything really won't solve anything.

and its crucial i remember everything dari awal sampai akhir.

DIA.

awak punca semua ini, awak penyebab utama saya dah kehilangan semua.

thou, i do realize saya memang do not want to blame myself for this.
instead, i blame you.

i lose everything

my home

my family

my trust

my hope

my dream

and now

i lose one most important thing in my life.

my dear life.

its hate to say this toward my own self.

do you know how difficult i have to go through just to pretend i OVER you?

i dont have any feeling for you, no more. or how people start to look at me like I'm a devil send from hell?

regret?

its that even a word?!

now. saya betul2 dah tak berdaya untuk meneruskan semua ini.

i swear.

please, whatever happen in past or happening now.

i pray.
please. go away.

i dont wish for another heart breakin news, its already have a huge hole in it. cant you see?

saya sangat2 tertekan.

my head feel like exploding.
where goes my spirit?

where goes everything that i hold on to?

question left like that.

i want to runaway, go far away. i don't want to stay in here.
please.

goodbye,

ain depress AGAIN?

2009-03-02T22:05:00.000-08:00

i'm haven't officially back.*noted*

goodbye february and welcome march. i've 100 upcoming birthday list waiting to make a hole in my pocket.

;shut up ain;

did i tell you that i'm havin a depression? *again, and again*

well only this time its a bit different BECAUSE i am so into CLEANING MY WHOLE HOUSE.

sumpah gila.

dari kain buruk hingga ke tempat letak pinggan, semua nya saya da pun cuci.

its like an obsession, and i can slept at 1-2 am everyday after cleaning the whole house and then i wake up early to clean it again, and kalau boleh saya memang nak kemas rumah jiran2 saya tuh sekali.

gile sepah. pagi tadi saya sengaja buat2 macam nak greet diorang pada pagi yang indah, fuuhhh

macam nak je masuk and kemas semua.

begitu la sikap ain yang tengah dalam depression.kthanxbye.

tapi, walaupun saya tengah dalam depression selepas mengambil hiatus yang agak panjang( ceh, padahal cuti seminggu je kot.)

saya tetap kembali untuk post more entry in this blog. unknown.LOL

rindu tak kat saya kawan2 semua??

;seriously, i can shut up now.;

saya terpikir pasal this thing early last night.

my first ever trip to pahang.

*flashbackkk*

ain: waaa.kekawan...aku dapat PLKN kat ......*dalam hati, ingat kan perkataan yang kurang sopan..rupa2 nye nama tempat...*

Jia:Mana?

Ain:..tuh...tuh..yang mula dari G tuh...end with NG...*ntah pape r ain mencarut*

jia:......*pandangan manja yang sgt bahaya*

ain:sigh*give up* kat GAMBANG,

jia:huh?

ain:ntah la. aku tau kat gambang...area pahang.

jia:O.o

*end of flashback*

huh.something like this la basic conversation ain and jia.

Saya pun melangkah keluar dari pintu rumah sambil memberi pandangan terakhir kat tv, cd and sofa kesayangan .

*dengan hati yang berat*

*switch back to english please, BM sumpah failed!*

and i reach at bukit jalil, teringat kat abang handsome yang jaga bus PLKN tuh cakap kuat2

:ehh,....bagus r. awk punya beg lebih besar dari awk...;*evil laugh*

(cis.. hanya sebab dy abang handsome, saya pun tersenyum malu, konon cover r. cuz sumpah semua orang pandang saya time tuh. gile malu. cam nak merangkak masuk bawah bus tuh je.)

takpe, hari ini hari dy, esok lusa siapa tau kan? wahahahahhaha sumpah kau mati di tanggan ku selepas ini. ( evil master plan in mind*noted*)

apa perasaan saya selepas memijak bumi pahang?

i must say, i was so in culture shock.

al maklum la, orang pun berasal 100% dari Key Hell tuh. *saya tak rasa BANGGA pun ea*

cuma, saya nih terlalu biasa duduk kat KL je selama ini, thus i felt so outkast standing there..in kuantan.

seriously, at that point of time, i wish i can run back to KL.
konon terlalu bandar-ish.

i don't know why but somehow i want to go back to those places.
did i say, i dont even have a kampung? therefore i spend my lifetime here in KL?
i sound that pathetic.T____T

well, ain kalau la awak sedar kan. sekarang pun awak tinggal kat kampung kan?
kampung baru air panas. (diam la ain.)
itu nama tempat tinggal saya yang tidak begitu famous ea.
rumah tinggi tinggi mencakar langit and bumi.

living in pahang was great, i can watch star every night sambil menyanyi lagu
'oh my pretty pretty boy i love you.' or 'i never had a dream come true'

(kalau suara macam beyonce ....boleh r..nih..suara cam kucing xsempat nak beranak je.
diam la ain)

but anyway, im sure missing it all now. and of course, i wish i can travel more and meet new ~~friends~~ people in every go.

there always be a reason why this world is sphere and not rectangle or square kan?
because, only when the world is sphere we can meet another person in another point.

get me?

ain sumpah tengah mencarut mengarut nih.

saya tengah banyak berangan untuk menjadi someone.

fuhhh

and im currently in love with 김현중. wait, i think my whole family in love with 김현중. damn it.

saya tiada point untuk post anything today but seriously im boring to death and i just need to space out by doing something that not so important right now. and teaching is F.U.Ndamental
saya dah pun sakit mental.thenkiu

sila save the earth please!!!! global warming. (sumpahseranah ain yang betul2 tiada kaitan dengan tajuk asal and topic yang sgt tiba2 dan random. ain sila terjun bangunan.)

okie this might catch your attention.

SAVE EARTH PLEASE, THIS IS THE ONLY PLANET WITH CHOCOLATE.

okie okie.
'ain signing off'

status; hiatus

2009-02-24T00:33:00.000-08:00

i'm on HIATUS now. will be back by next week.

happy days.

today is a history.

2009-02-12T23:39:00.000-08:00

yesterday i watched changeling, since it was based on true story, little to i know, i was so touched.

yes. i did. angelina jolie was super hot and her acting with that look in that movie seriously
CANTIK MENARIK TERTARIK KAU MEMANG D BOMB.

serious.

i love the movie, eventho i plan to watched 'the curious case of benjamin button"

KONON BAJET MACAM, I KENA WATCH BRAD PITT BEFORE ANGELINA JOLIE.
blar r ain.

friends is like wind? im not sure how to classify them into one word, but im very sure.

they are the most hurting weapon and blady war in this world.
i am blessed with those sweetfornothing kinda friend whom i heart dearly.

but i also was 'blessed' with those who will break my heart with every chance they have.

okie, i know i am someone who hard to handle and i am difficult.

but, i thought that what friends are for? we stand together and compliment each other.

like shoe and the heels?ahahah.XD i dont know if this make enough sense.

or how they connect a tooth and brush? fuuuuuhh

*tiada niat pun nak guna toothbrush sempena nama sesiapa in specific ea*

itu kan kawan?

betul tak kawan2 ku?

my heart eventually break into pieces, and i hate all of them.
im sorry,i know i am somewhat they called as pessimist?

sometime, you just need to be oh-so-grumpy before you wake up and start being happy again.
and what important was, these heartless people NEED TO GO.
yes, please leave and dont turn back.

i will regret this every now and then but i also will smile because i deserve to be happy?

friends.

valentine again, stupiacc punya valentine, ntah orang tua mana pulak tiba2 satu dunia nak sambut birthday dia. (hanya sebab ain TIADA date for hari kasih sayang* kan lebih sedap di panggil hari kasih sayang, takde makna nye sambut birthday valentine tuh. percayaa lahh*insert lagu siti.XD*)

cis.

baik korang ingat tarikh keramat ni.

25/08/2009. itu lah TARIKH yang patut DI INGAT.

;shut up ain;

okie. do you guys know who is YUNA, she is the student from UITM?

please please listen to her music, her indie kinda voice really soothing.

one of her single is "deeper conversation"
i won't be able to put her single here, but please google search it or listen to it.

i am still moody since yesterday, i hate everything that happen to me, and i hate how i have to witness my ex came online since WTF Ain.
suka hati dia la nak online ke tidak,

tapi hati still saket seyh.belom cukup parah lagi,bila tiba2 leh teringat pasal dia.

hati tak nak fikir tapi macam melayang2 pulak semua kenangan itu.
*tolong r ain...*

ciss. HIDUP AIN SANGAT KUCAR KACIR.

hidup ain telah pun di terus kan, walau susah macam mana pun,
saat penyesalan tetap ada. cuma sekarang saya belajar untuk tidak terus2 rapat dengan siapa2 atau terlalu menyalahkan diri sendiri.
bila rasa bersalah, apa2 pun yang ain buat rasa macam tak betul and tak dapat buat pun.

ain pun membawa diri masuk bilik, layan lagu jiwang,emo tahap cipan. terima kasih.

i fcuk hate it. *opss*

omigosh, i realize this entry is mixed between english and malay.

*waaa.bahasa omputehh ku...*

apa plan ain lepas nih?

study je la.

*tolong la jauh kan perasaan malas dari dalam diri ain. cheeeeeeeeeh*

erm, teaching is supposed to be fun?
i hope so.

so teaching english won't be that hard, i just need to do some research on how i going to teach them and also how i going to improve myself.

and then, i going to re-deco my room.

actually,after everything happen, eventho sometime it makes me cry but most of the time, i can laugh whenever i think about my ex.

not because my ex was too funny.

but, THIS WHOLE THINGY WITH MY EX WAS ADORABLE AND FUNNY.XD

okie, you can call me stupid,*those who know about me and my ex je la*
and for everyone who involve in this direct or indirect also make me laugh
(ada rasa macam nak tergolek2 atas katil and buat aksi macam sin chan ketawa)

serious.

well, they are part of my life. WAS.

now, buat2 macam bahagia je la.

i don't need anyone like so-called couple to make me happy.

saya sorang2 pun dah cukup bahagia.huuuuu..konon.

and jom buat orang lain bahagia.

heee. misi membahagiakan manusia.

i plan to watch at least 3 movie alone and then go trip alone outside KL.

maybe pahang? perak?

don't know yet but. i will go.

hwaiting ain!!!!

ps:ingat kan kalau buat colourful font camtuh boleh buat blog nampak KONON menarik. serious, cacat. adeyyy. sakit mata x kwn2?XDD

tajuk entry pun memang gila bodoh. nampak sangat takde kaitan pun.

19 and still young ea

2009-02-11T21:27:00.000-08:00

if i can give today a theme. i will call it as "19 years old is still YOUNG w0key."

i didnt go for teaching for 2days,today is NURILAH ABDUL MAJID birthday. she came quite early to my house, *that if 1.00pm consider as early since i wake up one hour before that.XD*

i havent see her for ages eventho she across my house, and yes. we are close like that.LOL
we talked, actually i talked like there is no tomorrow, and i realize i am talkactive *i miss that part of me.XD*

we waited an hour for another friend of mine to fetch us. and we finally headed to jusco AU. cool shopping mall because,not only it was huge in size but also a very empty shopping mall. i felt like a V.I.P*very important person* walking around like that.
and my fav part of shopping was searching for...

please guess.

can you?

GUESS.GUESS..

ermm..im not sure if this content allowed to be shown in here...LOL
the bra section.
i fancy about it. especially those with cute pattern and so..
;w0key ain u can shut up now.thank eu;

we spend 0ur time dining at satay club.
*yay,for their classy looking restaurant, jazzy music and i-can-sleep-here kinda chair.ops.sofa.*
it was really comforting. i almost slept.huhu

3 of us were making random stupid jokes toward each other, good laugh. we miss those old time we used to share together, eventually there is 4 of us but since jia is currently at gopeng, we decided to eat her part as well.hahahahaha

*kawan2. kami bertiga sangat poyo ea?*

* jom jd pompuan ayu yg pelok tiang. mane ta0 ade jodoh ngan prince charming yg lalu pkai kete bmw ke?huhu. pasan gile.XD*

*original plan nak cuci rambut kat air tuh..tp...tetibe sy RASE TERHARU gile tgk benda alah tuh...Da nangehh da pun..cedeyyy*

*sorry r kwn, pic terbalek r. malas nak men rotate. Tuhh KWN sy. SYG DY. jom kisshh ea.XD*

*memang xikhlas la. senyum pun cam kena paksa je..*

*sy penah dgr cite la kan, yg kalau ade org belanja mkn,makanan menjadi lebey sedap and rasa lapar akan melampau2. iye ke?*

*thankies kwn2 syg... i love u guys.forever.friends.*

we went to jusco wangsa maju to take our cake.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR FRIEND, Allah bless you. and i still love you,yes. no matter how hypocrite you are,i accept you just the way you are.

*nurilahhh..sorry picture terbalek. ko tetap cun seyh.hahah syg bangat kat ko.*

sy mmg suke blog, so wut???

2009-02-05T21:05:00.000-08:00

semalam,hari ini dan esok.

apa kaitan sume nih?

*sume ny hari2 yg sy terpaksa keje, uwaaaa..nak nangeh sy T____T*

selama hampir sta0n lebey sy keje, akher ny sy da sampai ke thap ke bohsan nan yg sy xdpt nak gambar kan melalui kata2.

adeyy.

sy sedar diri sy nih hanya la manusia bese, yg sering membuat kesalahan dan melukai hati org len.

dan,sy trime sume org dgn hati yg terbuka luas.

sy di tanya pd pg yg indah td, perlu ke awk blog setiap hari?

xbosan?

menarik sgt ke apa yg berlaku kat idup awk tuh??

look *huaaa.omputih ku suda kuar.XD*

hidup kan x ber asas kan luaran semata2.

awk ingat hidup ber landas kan outing? or peristiwa2 best seperti men baling2 selipar or tampar2 itu sahaja yg di kira sbagai

:WOW, HIDUP SY SGT BEST DAN MENARIK HARI INI;

camtuh?

kalo idup hanya nak pandang benda2 besar camtuh baek awk g terjun lombong and tolong jgn call 911 or 999?? for the rescue. xberbaloi betul.

*itu ka talian penyelamat kat malaysia? FAIL duduk malaysia.ADeyyy*

hidup, mcm2 yg kite boleh buat.

kalau kite nak la kan, benda cam tgk spiderman lalu tepi tingkap tuh pun dikira best ta0.

itu cara utk appreciate every finest thing in life. and stop complaining why MY LIFE COULDNT BE BETTER.

*ain, sile renung2kan ayat di atas itu ea. sgt sesuai por eu*

sy di tanya lg.

benda kecik yg camne tuh ain?

erm.

for me la kan,

sy cepat excited.
cam nga jejalan epi2 kat luar tetibe ternampak bunny lak, gile suke.

leh terlompat2 ngan wat aksi kanak2 riang yg dpt ice cream percuma.

atau,

sy nga tension pandang reflection muka sendiri kat cermin tetibe lalu lak membe syg..haaa.

trus sengih2..gumbira nak mampus

itu hidup.

expecting the little thing in life is better than expecting the biggest thing.

every big thing start from small,no?

atau time g keje, terjumpe rm1 kat jalan, waaa

;ain, sungguh lucky la.XD;

rm1 je pun, bukan ny sejuta. gitu?

tp, sy gumbira, sbb benda kecik camtuh yg wat sy eppi.

dan sy boleh je blog more bout this.

so, hanya outing secara besar besaran atau hari ini sy telah di naek kan pangkat sahaja dikira sebagai HIDUP ke??

ntah la. ini sekadar statement sy je pun.
sy rasa hidup tuh satu jalan yg pjg tp exciting.
sbb, kite xkan ta0 pe yg kite bakal tgk or jumpa. dan sy rase sgt la excited lg utk pk, maybe one day, someday

ain akan jumpa benda yg dicari2.

sy juga xske la pk sal ape yg bakal org len pk, terlalu bohsan.mcm xde hidup lak.

*another statement, ain ingat yg nih gak.*

asal kan sy eppi and asal kan sy dpt buat org eppi sy dah cukup BAHAGIA.

world need love to be better place.

kenapa sy blog?

sbb sy nak blog la mangkuk. leh x jgn byk tanya. kalo xpuas hati sgt, g la buka blog sendiri.

menyampah t0l.

ke awk jelez, sy blog byk2?huahuahuaa

w0key la. kan xsal2 sy da stat kutuk2 dy me nambah dosa je.

bukan ke ain nak buat amal skrg??

heee.

fairy tale anybody?

2009-02-05T17:19:00.000-08:00

once upon a time in a flyaway land lives a princess with her guardian old lady,
bla bla bla.
bla bla bla
bla bla bla
and then, the prince come to the rescue, with his whitehorse and oh-so-charming look.
the prince save his princess and he took her to his castle. he take her to the ballroom..
they danced all night long,when the clock struck 12, he knee down and proposed the princess of his live and they live happily ever after..

CUT IT OFF.

this is not a fairy land to where they say. WE SHOULD HAVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER ENDING.
or how they say LOVE LAST FOREVER.

real world, real life.

*sorry, i'm bitter knowing the valentine day is actually next week*

who say guy will love the girl forever? and how they promised all the sweetnothings.

and im bet, even the girls do the same thing.
*still in bitter T___T*

like any other year, this 2009 witness me not having any partner to celebrate it.

in south korea, this is the day where the girls will confess their love by giving chocolate to their loved ones and for those who still single and ready to mingle will eat this black bean paste noodles.

*didnt i sound too obvious?*
ITS NOT LIKE I DO CARE, having anyone by yourside doesnt bring much different. *yea right.wut a lie*

i don't even have a proper person for me to confess gah~yes. i am that pathetic thank you.

i used to believe in fairytale so so much, because somehow it make me so happy.

when you believe the love trully exist, you will serenade your life for it.
*cheeewahh, like i seriously take that.*

back to the reality, when i listened to fly.fm yesterday, the morning crew show. the topic was quite interesting since they were talking about

:does women desperate to have man by theirside?;

agree?

i don't.

YOU GILA APA, DESPERATE?? TOLONG LA, WOMAN DONT NEED MAN TO MAKE THEM HAPPY, diamonds will do.XDD

wakakaka. okey thats not true.

everyone need someone, to share their life. it nothing to do with desperate but more to sharing, caring and love.

ya ka??

i used to believe that too.
all i know, need or not is individual choice, some woman can live FINE without man. but they need baby to maintain their generation, adeeyy .PEREMPUAN.

but yea, with nowadays technology we can have babies without a man. XD

so, are we that desperate, still?

BERITE terkini, AIN RINDU KAT ANNE. wut??!!!

2009-02-04T23:32:00.000-08:00

sy blog dlm bm ea.^^

geram tol la ari nih.

pg td sy da kuar awal, malam td sy tido lmbt.

sgt xcukup tido.

pastuh

ari nih bos sy yg memang ayu itu suh sy habiskan event dy,

bayang kan perasaan sy

cukup cedey. *aksi sayu yg melampau*

tp

sy semangat nih...konon nak habis kan keje

td tuh sempat la nak g toilet kan, nak posing maut2 lak dlm tandas tuh

adek2, jgn cube this at home

gambar2 yg bermotif kan MANGKUK TANDAS DI BELAKANG, sgt la TIDAK MENARIK.

sila amik perhatian.

even, gambar pintu toilet terbuka pun sungguh tidak cun.

walaupun tuan punya gambar sudah cukup cute.

so, sile renungkan bersama2.

3
2
1
okey cut.

pastuh, da posing lebey2 walaupun sedar mangkuk tandas kat belakang tuh lebey cute dr sy, sy tetap posing gak.

koleksi peribadi.

sy pun g la balek kat opis sy yg konon vogue tp xvogue mana pun.

rasa cam nak baling sandal sy je

ahhaaa

teringat sy.

pagi td la kan, nga jalan2 rush gile nak tangkap bus nye pasal, sandal sy TERBUKA LUAS KAT area TAPAK tuh.

fuuuhh

baru nak cover comey, trus rosak image.

geram tol.

this is w0key lg.

td sy call la sorg pompuan nih, gile benggang sy kat dy.

kalo dy kat depan sy, konpem da kena baling pastuh sy ketuk2 dy..eeeeee

GERAM GILE.

org ckp elok2, jwb la balek elok2

nih tidak.

sesuke ati dy je.

its not even FUNNY okies?

duhhh

wutever la

sy arap, cita2 sy nak jd guru bahasa inggeris akan tercapai.huahuahua

mcm layak je ain nih

kalo la sy yg ajar, kesian markah diorg. turun secara mendadak.wakakkaa

tp itu bukan point utama sy,

hari valentine yg org barat sgt bangga kan tuh is around the corner *wakakka, massive turning point.*

sy xde r benci ke ape ngan hari valentine, walaupun sbnarny benda ini tidak di galak kan sgt.

itu pun kalo la ade TEMAN utk celebrate sesame kan,

leh gak tunjuk kite nih caring ke ape...

TP sy mmg benci hari valentine, terima kasih

*cheh, hanya sbb dy xde teman ny pasal. adeyy*

hari ini, anne reply msg sy.

pmpuan itu takes forever utk reply.

kuciwa je ngan dy.

harap2 impian sy utk jd guru sementara akan tercapai.

ye la, dr sy buang masa sy dok memanjang kat opis nih

da nak muntah sy tgk opis nih.

gile bohsan

xtahan.

sy buat keputusan utk mengajar je.

dolu2 tuh

bebudak jiran suke lalu depan umah..pastuh jeritt

; kakkkkk aaaiiiiinnnnn........'

walaupun rasa cam nak sepak2 je diorg ; kuat gile, lari anak kuching dgr diorg jerit2 camtuh kalo suara cam dbsk ke, siti ke leh gak trime, BUT pas tgk muke cute diorg yg punya semangat memanggel2 name sy...terus....ter sengih sorg2

ye la..

sy kan popular di kalangan bebudak.

sy nak cari amal ngan mengajar.huahuahuaha

*nampak sgt xcukup wat amal..T___T*

haizz.

berbalek citer td.

serious r.

sy rindu kat budak tuh.

skrg nih, asek emo je.

pantang rindu seseorg.

mmg akan nangeh.

ini dipanggel ape ea?

sindrom rindu rinduan?

ke, sindrom pas break up trus frust menonggeng xdapat trime kenyataan therefore, sesape yg di ingat and konon di rindu rindu nye AKAN trus nangeh? camtuh ka??

blah r ain.

sy da malas nih..event pun da nak siap.

sy xske la...adeeyy

kakak yvonne, nak sy bantu ke buat event?
hahahaha

sy lebey ceria di AMCHAM, thank eu.

k la. tuh je.

tomboy or pengkid?

2009-02-03T21:57:00.000-08:00

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

PENGKID ... WOMEN RIGHTS?

you post this entry a long time ago, but i come across it today as i was google searching for 'pengkid'.

im not sure if it related to my review on them,but i would love to discuss it with you.

that if you allowed me to.

i come from all girl school,to which i was surrounded by tons and tons of girls and you wont find a sight of boys.XD

when i first step in, (i come from co-ed school before) i didnt really felt anything bout the girls, as we are teenagers in growing hormone still changing, some of it trying too hard to impress other.
which how, i think this all started.

some student thought that they look so cool by being pengkid or tomboy.

and they get more attention than anyone else, as they were refered as POPULAR in school.

*noted, i didnt go from the view since they small*

in my school, when you are TOMBOY or PENGKID, student look up to you and trying to be as close as they can with that person.
and you will often see the sight of a girl passing gift or secret admiring notes to the pengkid.

they giggle and almost faint if the pengkid reply back or even smile back at them.
[seriously, thats how crazy they can be when they so much into the pengkid]

[a/n:* i had some goood time doing this.hahaha*]

you will be declared as popular as well, if you are related to the pengkid.
may you are her GF or PET SISTER.

LOL.

in my case, i close with most of the girls, regardless how tomboyish they may look or how boy-ish they may seem to be,

*sorry for my grammar mistake,*

since, for me. we are all friends. and more important, we are human and girls.

when i was in form one, i was close with this tomboy who i later on realize. she was doin all those boyish act because she wanted to protect herself from getting bullied.
and she did cost alot of problem especially fighting in school.

im not sure if i should sympathize or console her to be girl back since, my heart beating fast whenever she come close.

sometimes, i have the heart to tell her off,but most of the times, i thought she look fine bein herself which is tomboy-ish. she look so cool that people are jealous that i close with her, and yes. i love the attention at that time.

i realize that when you are in all girl school and lack of boys for eye-sight view, eventually you will get attracted by the same sex.

especially those who act like boys.

you will start wondering if and only they were boys.*gasp*

they were oh-so-perfect. look at those stylist jeans or how they do their hair.

i shall admit, that was the best part when you are in all girl school, those view are trully eye-sight.hahaha

i did a survey about 3-4 years ago, and i found out. each student will at least have ONE FEMALE CRUSH on a normal looking GIRL or THE PENGKID/TOMBOY.

im not sure the main reason behind this, i tend to kept a distant from people judging me all lesbian even if the student do not mind bout this issue, the teacher thought it different way.

it was a sensitive issue for someone like me. and i guess, im the only ONE who feeling like that?XD

yes,i did.

i mean, in my second year, which was form 2.

there is such rules as 'YOU CAN'T HOLD HAND WITH SAME SEX.'

and you can hear all those mocking like ' no way, she is my BFF.' or ' GILA APA cikgu ni?'

yes, they might not aware of the things they might cost by doing this.
teenagers tend to BREAK THE RULES. when you say you cant do this, thats when they get so hyper up and will go against it. the hormone, thank you.

things either turn bad as it sound or things will get normal. to which i believe,even I get a bit aroused by this issue.

i had a secret crush to a person for one whole year, same class with me.
i didn't do anything crazy of course, i just will stalk her every now and then.XDD hahaha

but yea, thing just passby like that, and i get to know more about this issue in my school.
and i swear, people will act normal like this is sooo NORMAL.

in my third year, i become closer with few girl who appear to be boy-ish but very much girl-ish inside.

and with all the peer pressure i was facing at that moment, they accused me.

*finally somebody taking this issue, seriously*

with the words like. YOU ARE LESBIAN. and things goes on like that.
but what make me upset was, the person who ACCUSED me was the one who SPREAD the LESBIAN thing among the student.
the same person who get caught kissing. * and yes sir, im not kidding*

some awareness.

i felt so bad and my reputation was on dead line, i decided that i shall not befriend with that boy-ish looking girl.
and i still feel very sorry for doing that to her, must hurt her so badly.

the following year, things went okey for me until my close friend start to developed feeling toward one of the tomboy in my school. she ask me if i ever get close with any tomboy and all those piped up question.

i almost couple thou.

and they continue to have the relationship right infront of me,but i didnt take any action knowing it was indeed wrong.

again, i blame the hormone.

same year, i get a little too close with one of my classmate which apparently is a tomboy.

but we keep the relationship outside the school,as we did 'date' several time for the whole year and sometime she will wait for me at school or things like that.

if she is a he, this will sound sweet.

the same year, i got involved in many tomboy's.
i regret this part.

even some of my pet sister is boy-ish looking type girl.

which lead me to another year, my final year in school almost graduating from my high school.

this year was tough,not only because i was expecting SPM but it also the golden year of my last moment at my precious school.

*eventhou' many bad thing happen to me while i was studying in here, i still love it like it was my 2nd home,do trust me*

this year, i get many threaten letter from my friends, those who i called my dearest.
which i can't believe they wrote such letter.

one of the letter i most remember was, the one that says me bringing bad culture and influencing other on this issue, to be specific; they say im the one who make other girl to be lesbian.

seriously, i done nothing to them and i swear i didn't couple with anyone.
and yes, i might have friends who couple and change couple but who am i to PREVENT them from doing it?
i tried and keep on trying until SPM but, if one person is so much in 'love' with another, you think i really have the power to wake them up and tell them GOD. "THIS IS WRONG??"

that year bring a lot of pain in my heart,since it was my last year also become the year i hate the most and love the most.

they were pointing finger at me.

and i kept my word in silence, i do not want to speak another word.

and therefore i realize, some people are just too jealous that in that kinda school with that kinda environment, you just need that so-called attention.

i am no where to blame.

eventually when the year almost end, they crawled to me and apologize.

this issue actually quite predictable in every girl school. i over-heard my teacher complaining about how our school reputation is dying when two girls from different school start a fight over a tomboy from my our school.
this should be a great news highlight.
and most of the story remain mystery. nobody want to tackle this issue from any school,its totally humiliating.

but the reason im writing a long-than-my blog kinda email to you was, i found this issue very much interesting.
its not because im from girl school or how i got involved in this but more to, how come they want to be like this and all other unknown reason. * you dont need a specific reason to like something right.hehe*

and i do know few people who claim theirself as NOT TOMBOY but eventually, they WERE ACTING LIKE ONE.

seriously, they can lie or pretend all they want by saying how innocent and how this act may cost a humiliation to their family but in the end, they the one who did this.

i wonder why.

because, recently i found one who start everything with me and in the end she say, she is not the type.

a dual personality maybe?

only she knows the answer, and i wish i can interview her on this.XD
haha

if and only this was my assignment.XDD

anyway, i had great time alone sharing this with you.

this won't have any moral value behind but somehow, this is the journey of a girl who faced this issue. and yes, thats who i am.

haha.

thank you for reading it.

im a real person by the way.

XDD

shut up and read

2009-02-03T17:58:00.000-08:00

hate to admit, currently i kinda into someone.

a person.

everything this person do simply attract me, when i notice almost all of it, it makes me feel so weird that i grew the liking feeling toward this person.

a person.

the same person that caught me thinking over again. its not because you look so nice, but i think i going to hate myself for saying this. BUT i think your cute way of thinking put a pulse on my hand.

a person.

god. i wish you can be more careful on your words, because both of us know, your words is a killing.

screw that, what im talking in this early wee hour.

;shut up ain;

i was LATE. again.

if its not because of the pay they giving, i swear i won't even look at this place.

i do not hate this place,but i kinda not liking the event they doing.

its sux.

i meant it. wut up with the talking and conference anyway?

IT?

yea,but whats it all about?

such a waste of time.

dont register for it.period.

and therefore i realize i am devil. of all the time.

i love MONEY, so?

you see, sometime it hit me that, im glad i have obsession over money than obsession over someone.

in either way, liking someone can put a hole in your heart.

and thats more dangerous than having a operation fulled with physco doctor with you.

i dont have any grudge toward doctor,believe me.

ever wondered how it feel to be alone always?

eventho' there is plenty of people standing behind you,but in the end all you want is only a PERSON to which you know,wont be crawling back to you?

when you look from the window, a flashback look so vividly that you almost burst into tears,but nothing comes out from it?

love is it?

or thats how a human care for another human?
even all the animal know how to take care of its own species.

and not to mention, animal do not know how to break a heart.

why people keep on breaking innocent heart?

dont they realize how hurt and pain a person could be?

im still in deep angst after what happen to me.

i blame myself, if and only i could see everything earlier.

and wish keep as wishing.

im talking this from a view of a F.R.I.E.N.D

i don't have a LOVELIFE. mind you.

and i am not interested in one.

this also doesnt make me A LESBIAN just because i refuse to start a relationship now.

even if i DID come from all GIRL school.

why does people always come out with wrong assumption only because im over-friendly with a girl.

they my BFF and FRIENDS WOKEY.

not to mention to those who missjudge me. GET A LIFE LA.

pist me off only.

anyway, i seriously hate it when a person hurt another person.

daymm.. its the FEELING okey.

stupid job, i almost sleep.
;dear ain, get another job ok, event are so history;

yes. it is that boring.

i write to iroslan as i come across his blog and the issue he was digging is INTERESTING believe me.

and i bet, what i wrote got nothing to do with the ISSUE but i did anyway.hahahaa

stupid right?

wanna peek a boo on it?

bleeding hati.

2009-02-03T02:00:00.000-08:00

kuciwa t0l ngan s0rg pmpuan nih.

sejak sy da mule menulis dlm malay, tetibe sy rase ayat malay sy cam power gak,kan?ahax

berbalek pd cerita td..

gile kuciwa.

bukan ngan sorg dua je, tp lebey dr 2-3 org.

thap kuciwa yg melampau-lampau.

ade rase nak ter gulik2 atas tilam dan ingin meng hentak2 pale kat dinding.

tp sy buat yg sblek ny.

buka lagu rock kapak tuh, fuhhh babe. sentimental gile siot..tambah ngan rock nye...!!!

dan dgn itu, sy pun meng bang bang bang pale sy.

dasat kan?

xubah cam .....

sabar je la ngan ain nih..adeyy

kuciwa.

gile kuciwa.

knape?

sy suke kat k0rg2 sume

tp

di buat ny sy sebegini.

ape kan daya sy, sy trime je la.

and hoping everything wil be fine.

adeyy.ckp omputih g...

naseb badan kan?

dah la, kalo dpk pk, konpem sy jd gilak, pastuh emo emo emo je memanjang.

buang mase tol;

;ain,lebey baek g tlg mak kat dapur tuh,dpt gak berkat.dr dok dlm blik emo je;

pastuh xckup ngan tuh.

time nga concentrate kat work,tetibe membe syg lak online,

dy da kembali kat gf dy

ape yg sy rasE?

KURENG TOL PUNYE KWN.

bukan nak bgta0 awal2

kot2 awk xonline ke ape sta0n tuh, mmg sy xkan dpt ta0 la nih kan.

hampeh jiwa dan raga.

kuciwa again.

cedey t0l.

konon rapat la sgt?

blah r. sume bikin ayat kasi power time awal2 kwn je kot,bile da lame.

xkenal pun kot.

payah tol idup ngan teman tp mesra nih.

mesti ade je saat ati di guris and di kuciwa.

tp

kwn tetap kwn

sy syg awk sume.

syg sesgt.

skrg ain, tggu masa utk di kuciwa kan lg.

haizz

sign off.

b-o-r-i-n-g

2009-02-02T21:08:00.000-08:00

valentine is around the corner, again.

i never should feel like im so heepy happy.

but yea. i am.omigosh. =]

~~isnt the world look so beautiful with love spread around the globe,?WTF.~~

okey scratch that. now time for real business.

you see, i found out the truth from the truth which lead me to another truth. get it?

another 5 hour before my work finish, and i hate this job.

because, for now and i mean NOW. I HATE EVENTS.

since im writing both in english and malay, thus i do not want people to think i will only write in english,when i can write in malay as well.

no,thats not the reason.

writing in malay is amusing,XDDD

okey. my brain seriously NOT FUNCTIONING..

so k.

lady on run

2009-02-02T19:16:00.000-08:00

i want to post-but busy working my edufoireug-OUT.
damnit.

nvm. i still have my LUNCH-BREAK.

pufff

go go go ain, you can do it!!!

adeyyy id0p

2009-01-29T06:38:00.000-08:00

kenapa sy kena buat double entri?

adakah kerana sy memang men yukai benda2 yg berbentuk kan tulisan?
ehem*al maklum la..sy kan mmg genius.XDD*

tp

TOLONG LA, time skola dulu pantang nampak tulisan

ABC tuh pun da cukup menyakit kan jiwa dan raga,XDD

belum campur lagi dgn camne sy akan tertido time exam..
nampak je ayat panjang2 camtuh, confirm tido.

mata xdapat dibuka

kekwan.

ini dipanggel sindrom mengambil exam.

kertas exam tuh sgt la seksa.

bet0l sy xtipu.

hanya sebab sy tak0t sy akan tertid0 pas nampak kertas tuh sy terpaksa bawa mp3 everytime ade exam.

baru la xtertido.

best taw, leh gak men2 bang pale, cikgu mmg xkan pasan. yela..
dy peduli pe kan kan?

cikgu tuh mati2 ingat sy nga cari ilham utk jwb paper tuh..rupe2 ny ade patrick disbalik nye.

sib0k mendgr lagu and tgh pecah kan pale.dgn memikir

lirik lagu nie..camne eh??mcm penah ku dgr je..tp di mane ya?

itu la sy..yg smmgnye nampak terlalu baek.

cikgu, maaf kan la anak murid yg durhaka nie...

sy xtiru pun cikgu, TP kat meja tuh kan cam AJAIB taw..

tibe2 leh lak muncul answer2 kat sane.

or ketas2 yg melayang dari satu sudut ke sudut len.

sy BETUL xmeniru.

neway, entri nie buat sy terpk..

sy mmg sgt2 geram dgn budak tuh

sgt2

buat sy rase yg sy mmg xdpat la kwn ngan bebudak.adeyy

perlu ka anda buat sy rase sebegini rupa??

pape la, kalau awk mmg rasa bahagia dgn buat sy.

sy perfectly xkisah.

*wut a lie*

sy da xnak buka yahoo mail sy, gile byk mail yg xterbuka.

dah la sy xdpt cari mail lame2.

adeyy,payah

tuh la ain, xsetia tol. suke ngan hotmail j, yg yahoo wat dunno lak.

ish ishh ishhhh.

dah la.malas lak nak komen bebyk.

out

im still ain w0key?

2009-01-29T05:41:00.000-08:00

i wanna post about this girl whom i recently know,

even if i deny thousand of times pUN, i realize i am someone who over-sensitive,

~~you can blame the hormone,thank you.~~

in some weird way, i found myself opening my ol'diaries.

and then i had this de javu kinda thingy when i kept staring at it.

pheww.wut a memories.

i love my LIFE.

yesh I DO.

ahaxxx

who say if i didnt love means i will DIE??

hahaha

i got soo many things to do and many people to LOVE.,

come come let me LOVE you

guarantee one, sure best if i love you.XDDD

and i caught myself laughing when i remember SOMEONE Say im so not very bright gurl.

Okie

thats so not true..

im AIN wokey.

because i am AIN.

then only im weird this way, and yes i have dual personality, maybe MORE?lol lol lol

hahahah

self centered bastard,XD

omigosh, i so loving retro

the other day, i went out with jia, she STOLE the tshirt i HAD my eye ON.

music is my SOUL.

damn la euu

few days at home, felt like i should blog more, but since i realize i can do better than sleeping at 3am and then wake up at 2pm the next day really not helping.

and im eating more than i should.

ini kah yang di nama kan sebagai depression tahap cipan?

adeyy.

okies, i never should do this.

damn boring la.

staring at television and drooling over seung ri who look damn hot on that tuxedo.

or fantasizing on how my next fanfic should sound like

too much of smut?

or too much of angst?

maybe a sweet teen love story?

none of this help on my so-called depression.

wait, i should stare at HIM and yes HIM, god, you are sooo..XXXXX

hahaha

;punish me please, i am so not a GOOD GIRL. WTF:

this time around, i do wish i can do something more touching thing?

living not about making yourself alone happy but doesnt it sound better,
if we can share every little thing we do with anyone and everyone?

love meant to be share, and sharing is caring.

right?

happy chinese new year

2009-01-25T23:10:00.000-08:00

happy CHINESE YEAR.

^^

may prosperity surround you through out the year.
may happiness walks in every single day in your life.

and may god bless all of you despite which religion we are.

this year will be awesome and great. please look forward for the great thing that about to happen in year 2009`

and appreciate to have all the blessed people in your life.

and our land still in peace.

xoxo
ain

just like being shot

2009-01-25T09:27:00.000-08:00

credit goes to wondersmurf.

총 맞은 것처럼 정신이 너무 없어
chong majun kotcheorom jeongshinee neomu obshi
웃음만 나와서 그냥 웃었어 그냥 웃었어 그냥
ooseumman nawaseo keunyang ooseoseo keunyang ooseosseo keunyang

허탈하게 웃으며 하나만 묻자 했어
heotalhakeh oosumyeo hanaman moodja haesseo
우리 왜 헤어져 어떻게 헤어져 어떻게 헤어져
uri wae hyeohjyeo oddeokeh hyeohjyeo oddeokeh hyeohjyeo
어떻게
oddeokeh

구멍난 가슴에 우리 추억이 흘러 넘쳐
goomongnan gaseumeh uri chookee heulleo nomchyeo
잡아보려 해도 가슴을 막아도
jababoryeo haedo gaseumuel magado
손가락 사이로 빠져나가
sonkarak sa eero bbajyeonaka

심장이 멈춰도 이렇게 아플 것 같진 않아
shimjangee meomchyeodo eereoke ahpuel got gatjin anha
어떻게 좀 해줘 날 좀 치료해줘
oddeokeh jom haejyeo nal jom chiryohaejyo
이러다 내 가슴 다 망가져
eeroda nae gaseum da manggachyeo
구멍난 가슴이
goomongnan gaseumee

어느새 눈물이 나도 모르게 흘러
oneusae noonmoori nado moreugeh heulleo
이러기 싫은데 정말 싫은데 정말 싫은데 정말
eerogi shireunde jeongmal shireunde jeongmal shireunde jeongmal

일어서는 널 따라 무작정 쫓아 갔어
irosoneun neol ddara moojakjeong chocha kasseo
도망치듯 걷는 너의 뒤에서 너의 뒤에서
domangchideut kotnun noeui dwiyeseo noeui dwiyeseo
소리쳤어
sorichyeosseo
구멍난 가슴에 우리 추억이 흘러 넘쳐
goomongnan gaseume uri chookee heulleo nom chyeo
잡아보려 해도 가슴을 막아도
jababoryeo haedo gaseumeul magado
손가락 사이로 빠져나가
songarak saeero bbajyeonaga
심장이 멈춰도 이렇게 아플 것 같진 않아
shimjangee momchyeodo eereoke ahpeul kot gatjin anha
어떻게 좀 해줘 날 좀 치료해줘
oddeokeh jeom haejyeo nal jeom chiryeohaejyeo
이러다 내 가슴 다 망가져
eeroda nae gaseum da mangkachyeo
총 맞은 것처럼 정말 가슴이 너무 아파
chong majeun kotchoreom jeongmal kaseumee neomu ahpa
이렇게 아픈데 이렇게 아픈데
eereoke ahpuende eereoke ahpuende
살 수가 있다는 게 이상해
sal sooga eetdanun geh eesanghae

어떻게 너를 잊어 내가 그런 건 나는 몰라 몰라
oddeokeh noreul eejeo naega keuron keot naneun meolla meolla
가슴이 뻥뚫려 채울 수 없어서
kaseumee bbong ddeuryeo chaeool soo obseoseo
죽을 만큼 아프기만 해
jooguel malgeum ahpuegiman hae
총 맞은 것처럼
chong majeun kotchoreom

credits: lovecubedlee

TRANSLATION

Like being hit by a gun
I really don’t have any mentality
Because only laughter comes out
I just smiled
I just smiled
I just…

While smiling hopelessly, I asked for only one
Why did we break up
How could we break up
How could we break up
How…

** CHORUS
In my punctured heart, our memories flow … they over flow
Even though I’m trying to hold on, even though I block off my heart
They slip through my fingers

Even though my heart is cold, it doesn’t seem like it hurts
How can you do that? Please heal me.
At this rate, my heart will break completely
My punctured heart
**

Already, my tears flow without me knowing
I hate being like this but…
I really hate it but…
I really…

You stand up and I follow
Aimlessly I followed
You’re running away, from behind you
From behind you
I cried out

** CHORUS

Like being hit by a gun, really
My heart hurts a lot
Although I hurt like this
Although I hurt like this
It’s weird how I can live

How can I forget you?
I don’t know how to do that, I don’t know
My heart is pierced
It can’t be full
It hurts as much as death
Like being hit by a gun

credits: CHARM* at soompi (:

and i took this from qeagrumpygirl. credit goes to her.XD thanks heaven.

`in some weird way, not that weird actually. i found myself get very addicted to this song.

it just makes me think how hurt a person could be at one time.
and the process of getting through it. its not easy as people thought it would be.

sometimes you just wish you were dead. and just dead.
and sometimes you wonder why everything happen to you.

it should be HAPPILY EVER AFTER right?
then, why it become happily NEVER after?

you wake up everyday like usual but still, you were walking like a zombie.

feel so stupid.

but, things just happen that way, and you realize you are not in the control anymore.

blind.

what you felt was just hurt. and it hurt so badly that it left a deep scar in your heart.

but this is how a break up should be.

hurt is part of it.

time will healed you.

this is story of a girl.

2009-01-25T07:42:00.000-08:00

who the hell is JIA.

nur najiha ahmad.

this gurl in tudung, this gurl who looks so nice and damn blur most of the time.

she's not fairly ODD princess, she's not the vietnam maid, and no, she's not the pelarian dr kem.

she just my best friend who been together with me for 4 years in counting.

we cried.

we laugh.

we fight.

we pull each other hair.

we shop.

we whore.

we even turn horny.

yes, we have all the qualities that qualified us to become world most IDIOTIC NOT MAKING ANY SENSE BEST FRIEND.

even so, we love each other. and we still spend most of our time together.

it was on year 2005 when i first knew her, she was NEW KID on school. wandering around the school without bringing money to pay for our school club, being the ever so-nice me. *ehem*

i borrowed her my money without asking much.

she took it with her and thank me.

that is how we become closer than ever.

oh well, we were not like other bestie for sure, since we mind our own freaking business most of the time.

we never been in one class or even any thing that can make us see each other often.

we just close that way.

jia, remember all those letter?
haha.

i don't remember where i last put it but damn memorible.

sweet right.

form 5 science 2, is the class where we actually reunited together with my other best friend LOW KAR YEN.

we sit in one row, and god please help the teachers who bear the noises.XDD

i still have the paper that we wrote about spooky ghost story under the ceiling that have this weird black hole which looks like the scene from 'dark water'
and it was on monday where it was all gloomy and very much raining the whole day.

we sat in circle and talk endlessly bout how this spirit from the hole above the ceiling is a girl who lost her boyfriend which were gay.

i should admit, i become so scared that i couldnt sleep that night.

damn.

and we never study hard right. wakakakka
we always....get that constant mark for our exam. haha.

and yea, we still did our best for the spm didnt we?

after that, we've work together. and remember how crazy we were?

we sing BIG BANG song while we were walking.

or how we 'climb' the escalator that was going opposite.

and how we cam-whore inside fitting room and get out like nothing happen.

we even spend most of our outing without failed in sg wang.

we done most of the crazy stuff together.

i love how many tshirt in pairing that we have.

we should buy bikini after this.hahah. right right.XDD

when i went to NS, you called me every weekend without caring how much it will cost you in the end.

and i still hate the fact that we wont be going to university together,
yes. very much.

i hate to go back to KL after you called me to say you were going to matrix in gopeng.

but of course i was happy for you, i really did.
i wanted to see you become doctor najiha, the one i proud to have and called as my ever-lasting bestie.
i love to share my life with you, and i did promise you that i will protect you no matter what happen. i kept my word.

i hope in 10 years to come, we be able to look back and laugh at how silly we were when we still teenagers.

after i come back, strangely we have connection like soul sisters that eventually your life and mine were connected.

im talking about how weirdly it was, that your college friends is my friends too.

see, we do share our life together right.

we are so close that my house already become her second home and her house always open for me.

we share our stuff and we talked like there is no tomorrow.

in my prayer i hope, we still will be friends for infinity.

i love you nur najiha.
forever.

hhaahha.

nak jd cam baek sgt je, yg penting budak nie adalah kwn baek sy.

dan kalo nak tulis sal pe yg ktorg 2 da wat mmg xkan cukup la blog nie..

oit jia, jgn bajet da la.hehe

syg ko gile2 r.

muah muahh.

sox that rox

2009-01-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

SY memang TAKOT pd KETINGGIAN. dan roller coaster tidak terkecuali dr senarai amusing thing that i HATE yet LOVe the most.

hati sy telah berbicara;

'ya allah, pasti kan mangkuk 2 ekor yg gumbira tgk sy nie akan menyesal kerana telah membawa sy yg tersgt INNOCENT ke tempat sebegini. AMIN'

ehem.

;iye, SY BAJET AYU DLM PICTURE INI. please dont dare to comment.
BUT but, its not like im the one who so wanting to bajet ayu wokey, but ANNE said that I am way toooooo GANAS ;the way i sit la;
AND THEN only i cover ayu like this... ehehe. she's to BLAME.

i finally ride in MERRY GO ROUND. my dream place, oh-so-love.

mereka ber-2 la yg telah me-rosak kan sy yg terlalu baek ini.
sekian terima kasih.

no u guys, i dont hate you guys i just dislike both of you. ahaxxx

omigosh jan sab can you believe this???

this munky on the left and crocodile on the right is MY FRIENDS. WTF. wakakakkakaka

and because i am soo nice then only i[ain] befriend with munkies and crocodiles. thank you.

yes, i am NICE.

hahaha.

BUT anne jia, thanks alot for making my day happier than going to TADIKA.

it was indeed make me giddy and my head was on cloud 9.

i am that happy and i couldn't thank you guys more than i should.

omigosh, im trying bein nice again. XDDDD

wth, eii. wut la...u think im kid from block pe? bawa g tempat kanak2.

xde keje ape?

sy telah pun berumur 18TAHUN.
wakakakaka.

neway, i had fun. dont you??

the next day ...punye next day we went to sunway. i already blog bout it and here i going to put few snap shot from our outing.

JIA ANNE KAK ATEN. THANKS FOR THE MEMORY.
hope we can go out again. *finger crossing, eyes glittering*

tlg la, BG SALAM BEFORE AMEK GAMBAR LEH X?

ish ish ish.

; KAMI SKATE. okey.bukan sy tp MEREKA dan sy DGN BANGGE NYE TELAH MENG UPAH DRIVER MERANGKAP SKATER PERIBADI. dy bernilai RM13.

SY BERJANJI SY AKAN SKATE DGN BAEK SELEPAS INI. RM13 SGT LA MAHAL.

i love this pixxx.. i wont comment more because somebody will get so hyper up IF she read this.

in memories, thank you very much for bein the precious part of my life.
thank you for being there when i need someone, thank you for cheering me up whenever i feel down.

and most of all, thank you and thank you for being my F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

i can't explain how guilty i felt toward you guys, anne and jia.

but i can explain how i feel appreciated since i know both of you.

; d rase terharu x?
hahahahhaha

okey okey seriously, you rox my sox and that sox already have HOLE on it.

thats how u guys meant to me.XDDD

the title SUX like hell,damnit.

peace out.
XOXO

jan jan, i DO UPDATE.heeee.

thank me thank me.hehe

ps: i love using BROKEN SMS BM in my blog. YAY.^___^

2009-01-25T06:06:00.000-08:00

im goin to change my template to xtml. so no more cute nice layout for your eye view.XD

sy blog dlm BM.XDD

2009-01-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

hari ini, sy sgtla ber-inspire utk me-post dlm bahasa melayu kerana sorg minah nie la kan.

pg td..bgn lambat pas dpt msg jia pun..still ley malas2 atas tilam tuh.

g pun, mmg xnak kot buka msg2 tuh. nyampah lak.

reason?

senang j.

sbb. sy sentiasa rase mesej itu sgt la xBERGUNE lg MEMBAZIR. tp.
ayat j bajet gile, ckp j kot xnak mesej la..xnak pandang enset la..ntah pape g la..

tp.

SEND MESEJ gak. adeyyy.

kali ni,sy berjaya xpandang enset. xsentuh msg dan DAN plg PENTING.
SY XREPLY pun mesej2 tuh.

HEEE.

BANGGE X??

hahaha

mesti jia bangge..akher ny ain da bertaobat gak.XDD

masuk balik cite td, jia send msg ckp, OIT BGN R. nak kuar nie kan.

sy yg masih mamai2 tuh..mencapai enset jauh2.

sah JIA xnak tgk sy bAHAGIA.

org mimpi dpt kawen la weyh.tlg r.XDD

sblm sy sempat tarik balik selimut sy tuh, dy da pun send msg ke2 yg berbunyi

'bgn r.da mandi LOm nie'

adeyy.

sy terpaksa tipu utk sedapkan ati dy tuh.

sbnarny tak0t dy marah je pun.hahah.
sumpah..dy mmg menakutkan bile dy nek marah. takot gile, ngan mak sy pun xtakot kot.

oleh itu,sy telah pun ter-send msg ..

'da.bgn da la.nak pkai baju'

KONon. pdhal xgerak pun dr tilam sejak an hour ago.

pas stgh jam dy pun smpai la..ke umah sy...

sy kibut kuar dr tandas trus ms0k bilik..pakai suar dulu.

KONON Nak buat cam,...da lame da siap...BAJU JE HILANG..XJUMPE G.hehe

neway,ktorg still dpt gak kuar n g times square.

jia, jgn bgtao org kite g mane before g ts ngan sg.wang.hehe

g times square..ishh....mulut mmg xde insuran kot.

slalu sgt nak tego org yg lalu lalang tuh, ade j benda xpuas ati.

jia, PERLU KE WAT SUME TUH? APE MASALAH KO?

hahahhaha.

di antara soklan penting yg kuar dr mulut jia sendiri ialah,

knape..knape kena pakai camtuh?

cantek sgt ke anda utk men dedah kan isi2 dan ruang2 terbuka di atas badan anda itu?

[maaf atas penggunaan bahasa melayu sy yg kurang betul ini, sy hanya berjaya dpt....utk BM sy.]

PERLU KE?

sy pun tertanye2 jugak, knape..kena dedah kan sume itu?

bajet ke?

atau.

setakat tunjuk anda seksi seksa kerana...anda tidak cukup menarik?

PERLU SGT KE PERHATIAN?

ingat eh, if sorg lelaki nak kan anda, mereka sgt la penipu kerane.

mereka hanya nak kan badan anda itu.

so.sedar2 la ye.

ish. ayat BM sure kena la..if cikgu BM terbace blog nie..atau..dewan bahasa.

haizzz

xngaku kwn kot jia tuhh..adeyy.. malu seyh.

so,topik ktorg asek berbalik pd benda yg same..PERLU KE TIDAK?

ktorg pun byk teringat kat cite zaman dolu2.
time kat skola.

kisah silam yg sgt.....

xdpt la nak tulis...mmg...terlalu susah nak describe la kot..

tp yg penting, ktorg mmg ckp satu hari tanpa noktah.

ye, perempuan kan. mmg suka ckp walaupun sume yg kite ckp tuh sgt la xpenting dan xde kaitan ngan DUNIA langsung.

nie yg nak pomot..global warming sgt2 nie..
hehe

sy end up tido kat umah jia mlm nie...

agak takot sbb..jia tuh....ske....

ishhhh..arap2 sy still slamat ...bile sy bgn esok..

and plg penting...

~~im still virgin wokey.~~

sy sgt2222 teringin nak blog dlm BM..pasni da leh gune ayat skema pjg2 tuh..

heeee.

budak itu..telah berjaya membuat sy blog dlm BM..thankies. =3

okie la.nak kena g tido..sblm jia pasan sy da lame dok depan pc dy..ishhhh.

esok sy cite..

SIAPA JIA YG SEBENAR.

sign off

AIn.

2008

2009-01-22T23:33:00.000-08:00

if i sober again,that will make me the biggest loser in earth and not to mention.
i already am ONE.

pretend YESH.

SOBER nope.

damn it. everything will be fine neway,

i live FINE before. infact i was DOIN great in everything.

eventhough life were never that perfect but im cool with it.

its my life neway,i dont have much to complaint.

not sure until when i gonna cries my lungs out, retarded.

*slap harder*

wake up.

lets move on to my wish list.ahasx

i wanna be happy. LOL OF CUZ I AM HAPPY.

i am freakin fine,with bunny earphone plug in my ear. YES I AM FINE.

so dont ask .no more question.nEXT

you see, i have great friends, i meet a whole new group generation of friends as well.

2008-unexpected truth the hurtful year.

recalled it back.

i was top candidates. YAY.

i started to not so into LJ-ing Kpop Meme-ing.

i got a whole bunch of new friends..

i have malay friends ehh..ahhahahahahahah. WAY2GO.ain

family exchange. i work for many new places.
and i learn that, im good in events managing.

i went to NS and heck i really did work my heart out. i gained weight after i back from NS.^^

but drop back after come back.hahaha

my birthday was awesome in 2008^^

but the things after that wasnt great.

o yea, i went to finale of so you think you can dance.
haha
i dance at the stage and met up with ying2 and wing yan.

and i am so much in love with adam that time.
he is so breath taking, that i almost apply for the job that require to meet him everyday.hahaha

but i pull myself off, damn ain, you are not easy.
hahaha

and i still go for dates actually...

i've been booked from august until december.hahaha

we plan so much ehh right. but..i didnt go for all of it.
damn lazy la.

i went for few dates....o wait. is it like too many of them??

i went to ipoh..i met my sweet heart<333
after good 4 years of bein bestiesss.finally reunited.

erm,to break it off la.
too many unexpected things happen.

so,lets close this diary and open a new one.

hwaiting ain.

you'll do better this time.. you will. so don worry and keep holding on.^^

skating academy

2009-01-22T21:02:00.000-08:00

btw,i didnt write bout my outing with my friends.

cool eh.

i still regret i didnt go to the party. they drink martini?LOLLLL

i'll start from what happen the night before we went to sunway ice skating.

jia was attacked by strange and sudden headache that makes me and anne stop watching TWILIGHT-freakin H.O.T VAMPPPXXX.
ps:JAN you need to watch this.XDDD

and i were saying,we stoped it and helped jia to sleep.

it takes only few fine minutes to make jia sleep.hehe

and because she sick,we in the mid. between me and anne. haha.
something wrong with us neway..

we start messagin each other`noted. the silent take place here.XP

i become so damn...how to express this?

devastated?
wrong.

donno la, but seriously i stare her to death. YOU READ MY WUT?!!!!!!!

haha.

and the drama took it action in here,sober. ishhhhhh

later, both of us didnt talk with each other.

until i get up and went beside her..so we talk a bit..actually...we talked until dawn.

damn,..and we still need to go to sunway that morning.

she such a wrecko.<3

she took candid pic of me.XD

that afternoon we went to sunway...erm. we went to pudu first to 'fetch' k.aten.

i like her. she such a...sweet heart.

we headed to sunway, i forget how to skate and i end up cuddling anne most of the time to ride on her back.hahaha

and k.aten hold my hand to make sure i didnt fall..but then jia and k.aten both want to see me fall..they want take pic.LA SGT.

i remember falling like damn hard...i hold anne back..and i lose my balance..
because i DO NOT WANT TO FALL ALONE...i push her down as well.hehe

overall, we had great time.

it was fun..really.XDD

jan u OWE me a skating lesson.heeeps.

and we come back home real LATE, i guess we have been doing this for few days in the row.

again we plan to watch twilight, jia fall asleep and..i follow her next.LOL

i promise to anne i will talk..hahaha
i didnt.SORRY.

and jia....jia...jia.......

jiaaaaaaaaaaaa...........haha.

you been there most of the times. now,lets finish this together eh.
haha

many things to do KAN.

ur FUTURE PLAN.EHEMMMM.

YOU ARE LEGALLY MARRIED TO ME.

wait,...how bout my other Bb...

i promise to marry....almost everyone.hehe.

but neway,YOU ARE MA 1ST after Ky. eh..

ntah .something like that la.

we go honeymoon at..korea this year wokey.

xoxo

still.with.me

2009-01-22T18:27:00.000-08:00

i guess,the way i blog here and my LJ is far different.
even the wording that i am using is opposite with the one i mention in here. XDD

im such a weirdo, its still the BLOG la ain. adeyyy.

let me peek a boo through my LJ journal and compare with the one i already write in here,
and btw, chee hoong dont complaint much bout the words i used. HAHA. you sei alien. spagetti.XDDDD

YIN LI, my freak post is long because the owner is short. ops. sort of. XP

get me?!!
hahaha

okey peek a boo time.

go back to my last year post in LJ,

Life is damn crucial

The more i try to avoid everything the more closer it seems to be.

i told this once.not being myself is the worse thing that could ever happen to me.
i bet my SOUL-MATE is laughing his head out seeing me oh-so-vulnerable.

Since i-want-to-get-over-you doesn't really work with...you-should-not-be-name.
I literally throw myself into another conclusion.
If you still treat me like im your girl.its ok.but remember this.
i stay by yourside now is only because i do not want you to change become someone else.
i do not wish to create a monster.

I hope i put myself clear here.

[i post this on sept 3rd 2008]

in memories.LOL

i guess i am more comfortable writing in LJ compare to blogspot.
the feeling there is more alive and i can pour everything out. Despite, im writing amongs the stranger. and those who reading it are around the globe yet in one term, we all have one thing in common.

MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING.

they might do not know you,but they willing to be there for you.
they try to make you happy, remember all those fanfic,smut or even angst. they write for our soul, to make us feel better.

we share everything in common,all those communities.

in conclusion, i just can't live without my Lj. its like my undead secret kept forever in there.
XDDD

So,today.

emotion

define it.

`An emotion is a mental and physiological state associated with a wide variety of feelings, thoughts, and behavior. Emotions are subjective experiences, or experienced from a individual point of view. Emotion is often associated with mood, temperament, personality, and disposition.`

credit goes to wikipedia.

i cut this off here.haha. or someone will complaint my post is damn long.

tag by jan.XDD

2009-01-22T01:37:00.000-08:00

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Name : farah ain. and thats all. dont try to change my name or i whack you to pieces. heee.
Sisters : three
Brothers : -
Shoe size : 4 heeps. i am small in sizeXDDD
Height : DON ASK BOUT MY HEIGHT. NEVER.AGAIN. kthxbye.
Where do you live : earth HALLO.
Favourite drinks : bug juice. YUMMy^^
Favourite breakfast : errr....im not choosey..but...large bowl of cereals, with eggs,muffin,sosej, baked bean...ginger bread with mushroom soup...will do.haha
Have you ever been on a plane : is WING consider as plane as well? it can fly,i swear it did.hehe
Swam in the ocean : is sinking on water count? hehe. i almost drown thou. i hate swimming.
Fallen asleep in school: OF CUZ who doesnt.hahah.XDD
Broken someones heart : err.maybe? but im INNOCENT w0key,didn meant it =3
Fell off your chair : DUH...XDD
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call : i end up looking pathetic la.XDD please dont try it at home.XDD
Saved e-mails : i only save LJ's and DBSK related emails.
What is your room like : like kena langgar with lorry je. Plain white.LOL
What's right beside you : table?books,bag,handphone and 2 mugs with milo in it. wut else?
What is the last thing you ate : my mom cookings. damn spicy feel like my hand all burning from the heat.ishhhh.XD
Ever had chicken pox : seriously?
Sore throat : err...if i sing too loud in bathroom yea,i will get one very often.XDD
Stitches : oho,yea. i get one when i was racing with my friends last time, hahaha.
Broken nose : i don wish for one.
Do you believe in love at first sight : can i ask you the same question back? heee.
Like picnics : yeaaa.like muchies.=3
Who was the last person you danced with : with Munkies and CroCodiles.
Last made you smile : some stupid random cute so sweet messages from my homies^^

You last yelled at : miiinnn... sorry honey.
Talk to someone you like : homies ehhh^^
Kissed anyone : perv JIA.haha
Get sick : Sometimes.
Talked to an ex : No.
Miss someone : erm...
Do you sleep with stuffed animals : does stuffed patrick boaster pillow count?? he is starfish.hehe
What's under your bed : nothing i guess?
Who do you really hate :Back-stabbers! Two faces people!!dishonest and ppl who live with intention stuck in their forehead. GET A LIFE PEOPLE.kthxbye.
What time is it now : 1.55pm

RANDOMS

Q : Is there a person who is on your mind right now : as in anyone or anyone special? or anyone as in anyone??? haha
Q : Do you have any siblings : threeee sisss
Q : Do you want children : if the father of my baby is...you know who.hahah. damn want it.hahaha
Q : Do you smile often : yesh yesh.i do.XD
Q : Do you like your hand-writing : depends on how neat it was. or.how fugly it turn when my mood swing.LOL
Q : Are your toenails painted : not yet....le.
Q : Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in : depends on with WHO i sleeping with.AHAHAHAH.XDDD
Q : What colour shirt are you wearing : blue with choco sweater.
Q : What were you doing at 7:00pm yesterday : linger around carefour.
Q : I can't wait to : GET A FREAKIN PEACE LIFE. yay.^^
Q : When did you cry last : erm......this is sensitive.LOL
Q : Are you a friendly person: DUHHHH.of cuz. havent you heard bout ME??.hahaha
Q : Do you have any pets : my herotic hamster, ni chan and miko chan.
Q : Where is the person you have feelings for right now : my heart broken la weyh.. where got peeling anymore.haizzz.
Q : Did the last person you held hands with you mean anything to you now? : u GUESS??
Q : Do you sleep with the TV on? : i don watch tv,tv watch me .
Q : What are you doing right now? : Blogging, MSN-ing,LJ-ing, and finishing FMM event.
Q : Have you ever crawled through a window? :i wont try this at my homey..never.
Q : Can you handle the truth?: It depends.
Q : Are you closer to your mother or father?: i close to my LJ ,my Mom where got time at home one la..adeyy
Q : Who was the last person you cried in front of? : sengal JIa.
Q : How many people can you say you've really loved? DBSK.HAHAHAHA.okey.
my family.my bestiesss'my friends that really close with me....
Q : Do you eat healthy? im sorry?? pls define the word health for me..haha.XDD
Q : Do you still have pictures of you & your ex? : omigosh. never.
Q : Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you? : yes. like shit. i sober one whole month. damn it.
Q : If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to? : i'll blog it out, or find someone close to talk with them. or i punch anything closer to me or run one whole day OR watch StarMoON at night while listening to my mp3.
Q : Are you loud or quiet most of the time? : Follow my mood actually,usually im LOUD but i can turn QUIET when..i found the atmosphere rather ODD.
Q : Are you confident? Sometimes YES, sometimes NO.
THINGS YOU DID 10 YEARS AGO.
( 9 years old )
1. Studied in SRKJAP
2. babi one la, all forgetten.haha
3. i was insane. wait wait, i kick a boy right at his.hahahah...XDD

SNACKS I ENJOY.: i just eat wokey. don care much.

5 PLACES I HAVE LIVED IN
1. somewhere in selangor area,[damn bb to recalled it]
2. water honey.hahaha. direct translation from AIR MADU.
3.is toilet count? i always sleep inside toilet when i have to go to school last time.haha
4. now im at earth, tomorrow im goin back to sky high academy.XD
5. pahang.my CAMP NS memories^^

5 JOBS I HAVE HAD
1. Promoter at Sg wang.
2. Office work in gazallion of place
3. fully HOUSE MAID.haizzz
4. erm..being student oso count right right???
5. ...erk...bein a good motivator.hahahah.XDDD blif me. i done this before.hahaha

im not feeling like wanting to tag anyone, so just feel free to do it by yourself eh.^^

kevin words

2009-01-21T20:56:00.001-08:00

get back up on ur feet. dun dwell over the past but embrace the future.

ps:kevin told me this.

thanxxx dear^^

word of wisdom

btw. i miss the year end party with fc oso.

haizz
soo many things i miss out. damn it.
curse me inside,!!
haha
ciaozsz

doink

2009-01-21T20:33:00.000-08:00

i post double..haha.
too many things i wanted to say;
i miss the new year eve celebration that day with sab and jan.
ishhh..

dAMN REGRET.

we should partying that night right. i saw all those pic u guys, ishhhh

i should be there too, damn nice!!!
and i miss the chance to meet my sabbie...awwwwwwwwww

imissyousomuchh.

you already back to singapore,dont know when again we can meet right.
unless, me and jan plan a trip to singapore.ahaxxx..

right right.

okeyh.and sorry i didnt tell both of you what did happen. erm.

really am.

i love jan and sab. serious. i do. sorry my lovesss.<33

And and, guess what...

i miss out alot in LJ world, too many things is happening.
VIP attack Cassie?

OMIGOSH.

really?

ouch.hurt my pride. LOL

idontknow.

like too many of them.

gah~~ ain ain. where the hell did you go, you miss out a lot of things.

and i ruined my relationship with all my close friends..

especially jan.sab...suki suki wai wai....

haizzz

traumatic

i dont wish for the same thing,never again.

i prefer i forget everything like....i dont know a sudden amnesia maybe.

really wish.

i dont want to pretend but i can act thou?

its the same thing right.

am i too into myself,?
someone told me this,

no dear. i am not.

usually i am not.

i am narcassist. i know that. but i am no selfish.

or self-centered.

try to know me,without showing me you are checking on me.
i bet you'll know more about me.

or perhaps, if i catch you that way, i will show what YOU want to see rather than What i REALLY AM.

i done this million of times. always.

You'll never know who i really am, dont dig your own grave.

xoxo

ain

leave it all behind.

2009-01-21T19:00:00.000-08:00

lets face the truth.

walking ahead is better than turning back and still wondering around right.

i still remember reading every fanfic and little to i know,i did wish.

'my love story will be like this'

hahaha

ironically it did turn out in such a soap-opera drama crossed way to which i have no avail.

nah~ i wont reckon it as a love story,
haha

love story is more like

[HOW TO LOVE A ROBOT IN 10DAYS or OCEAN WE SWAM]
now,thats what i trully called as love story. eye tearing. heart breaking.

but in some good way, i found all my friends standing infront,behind and in every angle they can find to give me a support, not to mention all my friends in LJ world.

and as much as i want to admit, i found myself wrapped up in the world i least expected.

Yes, i am hurt...but..i cant let all the hopes down.
those who wanted to see me happy,my dearest...my family...

they rox my sox.to heaven.

i really2 wanted to mention few important names here,
jia, our world is like the bridge to terabithia.ahaha. damn connected.

wait wait my BM jumping to come out already,

ehhh..camne nih ehh...terlalu twisted la an...idup kite 2 sgt berkait, wokey.thanx.bye.

end of speech.

she totally proof to me that she stick to me no matter what happen, damn touchy.
and total perv. ishhhh....

girl i love ya. to the core. and when all the hopes is gone, remember im always here. twentyfourseven. my everlasting heaven.^^

and my biggest surprise was when people or my honey bunx like...chris..sunday..siew mun..
defne...shawn...kevin...who else? idontknow..

so much ppl stand behind me,hoping i will be fine, really moved.

and my loving teacher, miss gloria.

she really bring the tears in my face, she come visit me..and..says all the thing i just need to hear to get my spirit on. and thanx for the kimchi teacher.

sa rang hae.
promise i will study hard.hahaha pinky finger promise^^

and then there is someone like anne and nani.

wokey, this is weird. i meant its not like we know each other that well and we really not studying together.period.

and still, in some unique way, we become friends.

seriously sounded like we are damn closed kinda thingy thing.

idk, i just don't go well with....malays? i guess. ahax. am i even allowed to say this in public?LOL

lets turn back the time, i end up in sooo many malay geng. yet. i didnt stick loyal to one.
i always thought its not good to be racist.
since,i myself is a mixed of 2 race.

i play my part neutral where i remember,i jumping from one geng to another.
and just to take care of my own business,who cares what other people think bout you?
YOU DONT LIVE FOR THEM,right?

people still will talk,whether you are too good, or too bad. so,leave them
dont be bothered.
you got plenty of things to do than minding what other might think bout you.

in other word, FOR GOD SAKE,PLEASE DONT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS FREAKIN TIME.
use it dumbo. you can learn in every go,find new friends. people come and go in life and there is very few that stick to you like glue.

PS:this is reminder to me as well.haha.
i waste time by thinking how other think bout me, gosh i better start thinkin how earth is moving.
or wait.

WHEN AGAIN THE END OF THE WORLD?
hahaahaha.

so here i go again talking bout how crap is life when you care too much bout the MIND.

anne. wokey,
May i tell you, this girl is special.

like seriously, because for me..its hard to find someone who knows and very much aware of the surrounding or shall i say.
I MAY LOOK LIKE I DONT GIVE A DAMN,BUT MIND YOU. I KNOW EVERYTHING. AND YES. I MEAN. EVERY LITTLE THING.

she give me spook like that.haha.
its like, i know that she know whatever that i know which imposibble to other to know and nobody know but me and her. yet we act like we dont know.. get me?hahaha.

yea, she's like that.

the more i know her,the more i think....i get attached to her. she remind me more of myself
that i should be strong no matter what happen.

and life were never meant to be easy, you just should act like it was and it solved everything.

thanx to her actually,i gained back my level of confident and of course back being the bitchy me.

she didnt realize this,haha. so yay, i should treat you someday gal since you help me a lot this time.

i hate GOOD PEOPLE, please dont hide behind your mask.

haha
nobody consider as GOOD, look at me, im a biatch. and i say next to no good girl in me.

Nani, she's ma gummy the bunny.

okey, i never was that close to malay's and these 3 people are the very few malay that close to me.

like seriously, i do have malays friend...but...usually i wont try to be close to them.
even if they try, i back off.
thats why anne jia and nani is like precious gummies in me.

haha. get me?
okey la. i am freakin boring and my work is piling up. i should finish it before my work end at 6.

and shooot, my lj friends. damnnn. i love each and every one of you guys.
i do i do.
marry me pleaseeee.hahahaha

i promise i will be back with new fanfic. hopefully *finger crossing*

i let too many ppl down...not bein me.

i dont know, i guess i done too many sin..

and...i feel really burden deep inside with all the things i done.

i know its not good, so. i wanna beg to those who i hurt their feeling.
and to those who i betray with my soul

i am on my knee, apologize to every single thing i did.
i know words wont change it, and for that. let me do something in return so that i can make it up to you guys.
i am sorry.

ain

life less

2008-12-22T19:15:00.000-08:00

i wanna erase you from my mind,
i dont want to think about you twentyfour/seven.

i dont want to read any of your messages.

trippin over asking you to come back to me.

i wont missing you,looking at your picture.

i keep walking and wont look back. if i do,i scared i might go back to you.

i will delete you from my email list, my friendster, my msn even my phonebook.

cuz im not coming back to you,im closing my heart.

i wont cry anymore when i miss you.

i swear,its over this time.

if you read this,try to understand how i feel to be with someone who dont appreciate you.

making you harder to breath.

regretting everything happen,wishing it was just nightmare.

i dont want to regret this but why you pushing me?

telling me it was nothing yet, we both know its clear enough that everything IS NOT OK!

booo

2008-12-22T18:58:00.001-08:00

im back. YEEEPS.^^