run away?

its official. im taking a loong trip to somewhere, seriously.

sometime when you dig into your own grave, the next thing that pop up was

RUN AWAY

but taking count as i am still a girl and 19 teen still not arrive at my door, so i plan on a loongest trip i could ever imagine.

let just say, life boring me as death and to which i want to ignore few important things in life. and i didnt mention any thing with TWO LEG, TWO HAND, BODY AND FACE okei?

i wanna so badly to scream my lungs out and go to a place where i can start over, as easy as it sound... i really dont know where to start and move on just feel like a great disaster- the same situation like my room kena langgar lorry.

anyway, i dont know how many of my friends still keep a track of me, but feel free to contact my handphone oke?

i might reply late but nevertheless i will try my hard to reply. haha
i meant, hey you cant blame me, cuz i always lost my hp. jeeez.hahaha


signing off.
ahaha

and btw, sab, and jan. i miss both of u so much.

and i miss kak syA.hahaha. i miss talking with u. i mean, chatting.XD

clumsy h;ain

if i can go beyond my thinking to the past ..travel through time
and walk pass by every memory in life,

i wanted to go back to my past. to the time where i wish i can make changes

and i wish i could have said every little things that i wanted to say;

and to my past self.


farah ain,
the name ...its only the name? was it?
the undying self that try so hard to make living and only to satisfy
every eye that watching so closely.

is that a life?

i knew from the moment i had my eye open and my mouth close,
my thinking were beyond any child at my age.

i knew, i was special.

if today is my past, i wanted to start back a new life.
my form one, i will do much better than staring out of space and
wishing why i dont belong to that group?

i would join every sport that i always wanted...and despite my leg injured
i still will be proudly running...win a medal or two.

i will make you proud.

instead, i make you sad....and sorry just wont come from this cruel heart mouth.

i will study hard, and master every subject. so when you come to my school
you will go back happily.

but, i make you cry. again and again.

i will go to school everyday, not worrying how people will accept me the way i am.

i never like who i really am.
i hate every fact that made me who i am.
i hate my life so badly that i wish everyday was my death ceremonal.
i was ill-fated. wanting so much to be in that certain group.

;why cant you look at me just the way you look at her?;

why am i so different from anyone else? im just same as you,
i have black hair...a heart..and a feeling attached to it.

we are in the same world, step in the same place and look at the same thing..

;why didnt you see me? i was right there...for you;

i will change this if i can...i will be proud to be who i am...
i will smile often and no one will see this face change to gloomy..every single day.

but why didnt i notice? the same group of people who destroy all the hopes rises in me.

when i enter my form 2.
i wish i can be a better person for you, but i was too fulled with myself.

i was indeed selfish...

but wishing is just a wishing. nothing change nothing going to replace it.

i will stand proud to be with you, to stand beside you. and to go through this
together with you.

But all i did was hurt you more, with my attitude i know you wish..i never was here.

i never was the best person right?

form 4 and 5, eventhough i stand aside and watch you silently..

little to i know, i wish...i can change it. but i did nothing to it.
i can only stare and let the time passby.
and how i will forget the fact i wasnt really a bright student.
i wasted my time on something i know it wont last. never.
form 5, if i can do better,i wanted to emerge myself into thousand of books
and just so you know, i will make you proud...

why i keep on breaking every promises?


and maybe if i can change any of it....i wont end up ...being a walking zombie.

and maybe if i wasnt that desperate to be in the same world as you, i wont end up
begging you not to go.


i just wanted to be in that world, the same world.
why you keep on leaving me speechless this way?

i put the fullstop here, i let my body stop and my mind rewind every thing.

to you, who i became so vulnerable.
to you, who i wanted so badly to undo every mistake.
to you, and only you...i wont be able to move on knowing

neither you nor me who was at fault. but it was the faith that bond me,

i should know better that i never belong to that group. and you, was another character from
my life drama.


ps: i wont be online for maybe long time from now, so for that i already post few entry. okei friends, dont miss me too much.hahaa

dsfjfreiotgurgutrigythdyudtyr sorry, thats me bein the dramatic person.XD

confession of a friend.

i listen to this great song.
;o maybe im the only dorky who tot so.;

but anyway. the song is linked here,




the following lyric was taken from this blogspot
http://makikawaii-jklyrics.blogspot.com/2009/04/2am-time-for-confession-single-lyrics.html

thank u makikawaii ^__^

001. A Friend's Confession

It's been a while
since my heart has been changing,
since I've been dealing with it lonesome..
every time you came back,
I hated the guy that made you cry

I'd rather protect you,
although I don't know if it will make it better...

This time I'll hold you and love you
is what I thought

Baby, come to me now
And be my lady
I've watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart.

As a friend, to remain as friends,
I had to push the confessions down my throat
But now I'll confess to you,
I love you...

You hold my hand and tell me you only have me
Keeping me as a friend,
you say it's a blessing
Whenever you say let's never change,
I had to push my feelings down

It might be best if I protect you,
not knowing if it will be better

I kept hearing it but I kept cool
I was too scared to lose you, but...

Baby (Baby) Come to me now (Come to me)
And be my lady (lady)
I've watched you for too long
I stood there with no words,
hiding my pitiful heart (No)

As a friend (Your friend), to remain as friends (I know),
I had to push the confessions down my throat (The overflowing words)

That confession (confession) I had to hold it in (I couldn't say it)
But now I'll confess to you,
I love you...


-this song rather beautiful.

btw, im into soo many project nowadays. from theraphy to a peace camp.


ain dah mula buat amal ea.hahaha

i'm goin for another hiATUS.haha

saya budak lepasan spm 2007.

apa yang ada kat saya cuma saat2 kat sekolah je dulu.

bahagia?

;ain sungguh bangga dengan diri sendiri time tuh;

tapi, sape tuh ain?

name tuh da xde meaning dalam hidup saya.

ain. ain. ain.

cuma sorang budak. cop. remaja? yang tercari2 makna hidup and akhir nya
jatuh cam tuh je.

jatuh disini bukan bermaksud

;pada pagi yang indah ain jalan2 kat taman Kampung baru air panas, tiba2 kaki ain tersepah batu dan jatuh lalu ain pun sumpah seranah menyalahkan batu itu.

cis, batu tuh xbersalah pun. yang xde mata itu ain bukan batu.;

tetapi bermaksud

;ain tersungkur dikala mencari makna hidup, ingat kan dunia itu indah..tapi
tipu muslihat...dusta munafik merata2. ain pun jatuh dengan teruk sehingga
dah xde makna nak hidup da pun.;

:oke. saya saje nak nampak bajet cool ngan gune ayat gempak.XD;


ain. ntah nape name ain nih da jadi sangat janggal untuk disebut. and ada ketika saya harap saya boleh tukar je name saya.
given option,

syukur mama saya bagi nama punya panjang, at least boleh main tukar2 nama kan.

thankies ma.

tapi, saya sumpah nak muntah kalau la ada orang panggel saya fara

kwn2...jom practice ea..

oke

1
2
3
say Fara ea..

UWEEKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

;penampar hikmah pun hinggap di pipi;

tapi TETAPI

;anda dibenarkan panggel saya FARA atas DASAR PROFESSIONAL AND KERJA SAHAJA kthxbye;

ain?

saya benci nama nih sekarang.

seolah2 name nih da xwujud bagi saya.

but bagi saya, ain memang dah lama mati.

pada 24 disember 2008. perempuan bernama ain dah pun mati.

;ada rasa nak bagi penampar x kat saya? suka2 saya je nak merendah2kan perkataan mati nih;

who say im not afraid of death?

i am, i was and always will.

saya xpun merendah2kan mati, infact either way people will die. its just bout the timing kan?
may it be fast or may it be late.

5 second from now, god knows when my life akan kena tarik?

;tibe2 hati kecik ain pun berbicara, cisss, xcukup amal nihhh.!!!;

nih je kot sebab utama xleh mati dulu, cuz amal xcukup.

saya pun takot ngan statement kat atas. amal saya sentiasa xcukup.

bein a human, mistake and more mistake become part of life right, and bein a women and a girl to be exact. my desire is almost on everything.
from there, my mistake piled up.

the fact was, HUMAN LIVE TO FULFIL THEIR FCUKING DESIRE. TO PLEASE THEIR INNER PLEASURE.
satisfaction is everywhere in them. and they say next to NO satisfaction.


but i am sure im not alone on this.

to those who used to know me with that name, NOTED. ain already death.

her death body can be found at the opposite side of klcc convention centre and infront of the park at klcc.period. time body discovered was at 9.01pm on the date 24th of disember 2008.

;dont ask why. i used to love that place for ages. until memories kept me away from it.;

death ceremony held in her resident at wangsa maju area section 1 konar konar at sri rampai masuk sri utama international school and terus masuk kanan and kanan.

may ain R.I.P

amin.M