if i can go beyond my thinking to the past ..travel through time
and walk pass by every memory in life,
i wanted to go back to my past. to the time where i wish i can make changes
and i wish i could have said every little things that i wanted to say;
and to my past self.
farah ain,
the name ...its only the name? was it?
the undying self that try so hard to make living and only to satisfy
every eye that watching so closely.
is that a life?
i knew from the moment i had my eye open and my mouth close,
my thinking were beyond any child at my age.
i knew, i was special.
if today is my past, i wanted to start back a new life.
my form one, i will do much better than staring out of space and
wishing why i dont belong to that group?
i would join every sport that i always wanted...and despite my leg injured
i still will be proudly running...win a medal or two.
i will make you proud.
instead, i make you sad....and sorry just wont come from this cruel heart mouth.
i will study hard, and master every subject. so when you come to my school
you will go back happily.
but, i make you cry. again and again.
i will go to school everyday, not worrying how people will accept me the way i am.
i never like who i really am.
i hate every fact that made me who i am.
i hate my life so badly that i wish everyday was my death ceremonal.
i was ill-fated. wanting so much to be in that certain group.
;why cant you look at me just the way you look at her?;
why am i so different from anyone else? im just same as you,
i have black hair...a heart..and a feeling attached to it.
we are in the same world, step in the same place and look at the same thing..
;why didnt you see me? i was right there...for you;
i will change this if i can...i will be proud to be who i am...
i will smile often and no one will see this face change to gloomy..every single day.
but why didnt i notice? the same group of people who destroy all the hopes rises in me.
when i enter my form 2.
i wish i can be a better person for you, but i was too fulled with myself.
i was indeed selfish...
but wishing is just a wishing. nothing change nothing going to replace it.
i will stand proud to be with you, to stand beside you. and to go through this
together with you.
But all i did was hurt you more, with my attitude i know you wish..i never was here.
i never was the best person right?
form 4 and 5, eventhough i stand aside and watch you silently..
little to i know, i wish...i can change it. but i did nothing to it.
i can only stare and let the time passby.
and how i will forget the fact i wasnt really a bright student.
i wasted my time on something i know it wont last. never.
form 5, if i can do better,i wanted to emerge myself into thousand of books
and just so you know, i will make you proud...
why i keep on breaking every promises?
and maybe if i can change any of it....i wont end up ...being a walking zombie.
and maybe if i wasnt that desperate to be in the same world as you, i wont end up
begging you not to go.
i just wanted to be in that world, the same world.
why you keep on leaving me speechless this way?
i put the fullstop here, i let my body stop and my mind rewind every thing.
to you, who i became so vulnerable.
to you, who i wanted so badly to undo every mistake.
to you, and only you...i wont be able to move on knowing
neither you nor me who was at fault. but it was the faith that bond me,
i should know better that i never belong to that group. and you, was another character from
my life drama.
ps: i wont be online for maybe long time from now, so for that i already post few entry. okei friends, dont miss me too much.hahaa
dsfjfreiotgurgutrigythdyudtyr sorry, thats me bein the dramatic person.XD
About Me
mo0d?
